Well, here it is...I'm going to give this dating thing a try in 2009. I said I would in 2008, and even had that ill-fated mystery date back in January, but then, well...obviously I had other things to work on before I put myself out there for the dating world to see.
But now, well, now I'm ready, and it's time.
I've lost almost 20 lbs, and with that weight loss, I've also been able to let go of a lot of my self-esteem issues. There are some that still remain, because well, that's just me being me, but I'm now able to walk with my head high, smile on my face, making eye contact with people.
I spent 2008 working on myself. My inner self, my spiritual self, and my physical self. I changed careers, I formed new friendships, I reconnected with old friends, and I made peace with ghosts from my past.
In a sense, it was boot camp, and now I'm ready to join the front lines.
I began to realize that I was ready to "hit the dating scene" when I found myself flirting with Donnie Wahlberg as he autographed my wrist. I mean, if I can flirt with my teen crush, I can flirt with just about anyone, don't you think?
Then, a few weeks ago something happened that made me realize I am back in "dating form". Small thing. Silly thing. I got a crush. On someone from my past. Someone I hadn't seen in a long time. Someone I may never even see again for all I know. But he made me blush and giggle like a school girl. It was official, I had a crush on a real live, non-celebrity, he actually knows my name, man.
I didn't really share much with you about that crush because well, there isn't much to share. I honestly don't know if/when I'll see him again, and mostly, it wasn't about him. It was about me. About those feelings I hadn't felt in a really long time. And about the fact that I realized I missed those feelings.
A baby step. When you've been out of the dating scene as long as I have been, it's baby steps to get back in, you know?
And then this weekend, last night, another step.
I was out Christmas shopping, and it turns out Target was having a special on good looking guys. Who knew?
OH, you want details? I'll give you details.
I was walking toward Target, when I walked by an attractive man who smiled at me. New me, new rules, I made eye contact and smiled back, and went on my way. So then I’m in Target, in the electronics department and I see him there, which I thought was strange, because when I first saw him he was walking AWAY from Target, right? But, hey, whatever, I'm not reading too much into things, I'm busy shopping. But he walked by me once again, and I got the impression he wanted to say something, but then changed his mind. I continued to shop, but now I'm smiling because well, you just sort of know by then, you know? So, then the third time we walked by each other he goes “Excuse me,” and I was like “Yes?” and he goes “You’re beautiful”. And let me clarify that he said this not in a “yo baby yo” sleezy way, just in a very straightforward way, you know? So I was kind of taken aback but I said “Thank you” and he asked my name, then he tells me his (we'll call him Blue). Then he asked if I had a boyfriend and I said no and he goes “why not?” and I said “Don’t know, just don’t” and he was like “ok” (like cool, whatever). Then we chatted a little more, turns out he’s from the same town I live in, and then he goes “So, can I take you out or call you sometime?” and I hesitated only a bit and said “You can call me,” (because hey, what have I got to lose at this point, right?). So I gave him my number, and then we chatted for another few seconds and he looked at my hands (I had a ton of things in my hands/shopping) and said “Well, I won’t keep you, I’ll let you get back to your stuff, but I’ll definitely call you” and I said “definitely do”. And that was that.
I haven’t had that happen to me in a very long time, years, in fact, so it was pretty cool. Good for my ego, that’s for sure. Even if he doesn’t call, I’m good with that. And even if he does call, and turns out to be a total weirdo, I’m okay with that too, cuz I’m sort of already expecting that…you know? And who knows, he could actually turn out to be normal too. ;-)
He’s about 6 ft tall (I’d guess), probably around my age (guess again), dirty blonde hair and the most beautiful blue eyes. Good looking guy, not a pretty boy, but certainly attractive.
But again, this isn't so much about him as it is about me. If he calls, well, then of course I'll tell you all about it, and we'll see what happens. But this is about how I had forgotten what it felt like to be approached by an attractive stranger and be made to feel like a million bucks. I had forgotten that totally giddy feeling in your stomach when you walk away after just having given a man your phone number. I'd forgotten, most importantly, how much fun I used to have with dating.
See, I've been dreading getting back out there, but now? I'm kind of looking forward to it.