Forgive or Forget It?

Wordless Wednesday is below this post, but if you have a moment, please indulge me and join in the discussion here, I'd like to hear what you think.

Yesterday, while in the midst of not having much to say, I did manage to write and post a poem on my other blog, Creative Karina, in response to the prompts at Writer's Island. The prompts (because I incorporated two weeks worth of prompts) were The Promise and The Moment.

Below is the poem I posted.

Broken

Too late now,
one decision
and it falls apart
we all have moments
choices
life defining events
you chose her
over me

The words you speak now
have no impact
apologies
explanations
pleading
it's too late

Did you think
telling me it didn't mean a thing
would make it any better?

You took a vow
promised me forever
and in an instant
you broke us

And you have the nerve to tell me
it didn't mean a thing?

It meant everything.

Copyright 2007 - Karina

So, one of the comments I received gave me some food for thought, and I decided it stirred up enough of a reaction within me that it was deserving of it's own post.

Paisley said: "i cannot imagine it could possibly have erased true love... it may have dimmed it or marred it,,, but if the love you had for him was true... you would still have it.. just my opinion of course... the poem itself was wonderful,, i just wonder about the validity of the societal sentiment....."

And this got me thinking...first of all, I should make it clear that although based loosely on past relationships, this poem is purely fictional, as is most of my poetry. My poetry has always come from a place deep inside me that I'm not always aware of, and sometimes I wonder if I'm expressing emotions from a former life, who knows? But that aside, this is actually not based on any one specific "break-up", it's just poetry.

That said, it doesn't change the power of the emotion I felt when writing it, and then, after reading that comment, when rereading it. Paisley makes a good point, if it were true love, would one "mistake", one "moment" erase the love? Can cheating ever be forgiven? Can a relationship be salvaged after such betrayal? That is, after all, the sentiment behind the poem.

As I read it; and for the record, since I'm never really sure where my poetry comes from, when I reread my pieces, a lot of times, I read them as an outsider, not really sure who it was that wrote those words; but, as I read it, I see someone who has reached the end of the road in what was already a turbulent relationship. I see exasperation, I see someone who is still very much in love with the "cheater", but no longer willing to be cheated out of receiving that same love in return. The last line "It meant everything" is what seals it for me...it's not about the cheating, so much as it is about the lack of responsibility for how it affects the author.

That's the poem itself. What about what I think, about unfaithfulness and forgiveness? Do I believe a relationship can survive a "moment" of bad judgment? Perhaps. If it truly is a moment, a lapse, then maybe. But if that "moment" is an expression of a deeper issue, then I'm not so sure. Being who I am, there are few things I find more important in a relationship than trust and respect. To me, unfaithfulness is the ultimate disrespect, and obviously a huge trust issue. I have been cheated on before, and the relationship did not survive the indescretion, but the relationship had issues prior to the cheating, so it is not surprising that it did not survive it. Would I in the future be willing to forgive someone if they cheated? I don't know. Every ounce of my being says no. I'm a strong, independent woman who can manage just fine on her own, so the idea of staying with someone who has betrayed me is foreign to me. Why would I? But, I realize that every circumstance is different and there might be an occasion where I would forgive and forget, insted of just saying "forget it".

But that doesn't address the true root of why Paisley's comment stirred me so, which is this: Paisley said: "i cannot imagine it could possibly have erased true love". I agree wholeheartedly. I don't believe unfaithfulness can erase true love, but I also don't believe those were the emotions expressed in the poem (at least not for me, the beauty of poetry is that the reader takes from it what they will). But for me, this "end" was not about the end of love, it was about the end of the relationship. Because, as I'm certain I've said before in past posts, and as I say all the time when discussing a particular former relationship, unfortunately, sometimes, LOVE just isn't enough. You can love someone with all your heart, soul, being, and yet, you can still be all wrong for each other. I've lived this, so I know from where I'm speaking. Love, grand and beautiful as it is, is simply just not enough. There are many other factors involved in making a relationship work. Trust and respect are just two at the top of my list.

So, that's me, that's how I feel. What do you think? Can true love survive unfaithfulness? Can a relationship? Do you think you could forgive and forget? Does it depend on who the indescretion was with, or how long it had been going on for? Is it about the level of guilt and responsibility the offender expresses?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, and I'll be back througout the day to respond to comments, so come back and check...I'd like to make this an "audience participation" post.

And Paisley, thank you for the inspiration. Where I had none yesterday, today it's returned, so thanks.