Text Flirting (Dating in the Age of Technology)

At long last…the story you’ve all been anxiously awaiting. After all that build up, I sure hope it doesn’t disappoint.

Okay, so when we last left off, here, LawBoy had sent me yet another random text message, after ignoring and/or avoiding actual conversations via e-mail or telephone, and I was just a bit too fed up with the randomness to reply.

As was discussed in the comments to my last post about LawBoy, I had suspicions that he was playing the hot/cold game either because of lack of interest in anything but friendship, or more likely, because he was a boy, therefore, majored in mind games and was just being stupid. But, there was also the suspicion in my mind that he might not be “available” and was therefore, playing, but not able to actually “play”.

Whatever the reasoning behind the mind games, I wasn’t all that interested in deciphering them, mind games being only one of the many, MANY reasons I have remained single as long as I have.

So, it was with this mindset to not really think about it, that I entered my mini-vacation last weekend. In all honesty, I’d kind of forgotten about him and his text message the previous week.

And yet, as Foxy and I returned from our night out at Grease, I received yet another random “How are you” text message. It was 10:56 p.m. Girlish laughter and giggles ensued as I shared the text message with Foxy, and we headed out to meet up with Ms. B. in her hotel room, and hang out with her for a while. I replied with a “Good, In NYC this weekend”. LawBoy, by the way, is originally from “the Bronx”, and promptly replied with a message to the tune of “Should have invited me, that’s my hood”.

The next few hours turned into a giggle fest with the girls and I laughing every time my phone would chirp with a new message, and we would try to figure out the best way to respond. Wonder if he knew our conversation was a collective effort? Well, to be honest, neither Foxy nor Ms. B, were much help, as most of their responses were along the lines of “I’m so glad I don’t have to date anymore”, “I can’t help you there, I wouldn’t know what to say”. Yeah, thanks girls!

Anyway, to make matters easier for myself, I’m digging out my cell phone and giving you the play-by-play of our text conversation (color coded for your reading convenience, and with editorial input in these handy dandy parentheses where necessary).

So, we’re at “Should have invited me” right?

K: I’m in Queens for a wedding. Went to see Grease tonight.
LB: Did you need a date? (more giggles and laughter from the girls, but not really knowing how to respond, I didn’t for a bit).
LB: I haven’t had this much fun in a long time. Wish you were here. (Random yet again…)
K: Huh, Fun how? (genuinely confused, not really sure what he’s talking about, beginning to suspect LB has had a few beverages by this point).
LB: At a spot with my boy, dancing my ass off. Have not been hit on like this in years.

UM…okay…and why do I want to know this? The girls and I decide this is a rude and unnecessary show of “studliness” on his part, which does not deserve a response, so I give him none and continue hanging out with the girls. Eventually, it is getting late, and the bride-to-be needs some beauty sleep, so Foxy and I leave her and head back to our room. It is about 1:20 at this point, so I decide to say good night:

K:Well, we’re calling it a night, have fun.
LB: Holla at me (right, cuz suddenly he’s so gangsta).

And at this point, I’m thinking it’s all done, and I’ll get some sleep. And then…chirp:

LB: You too (huh? Me too what? Foxy and I deduce that either a. he was replying to someone else – in which case HOW DARE HE ;-) or b. he is still delay replying to my “have fun” message).

K: Me too, what?

LB: Having fun, wish u were here. (yep, he’s drunk, and me? Well, Foxy is falling asleep, and I’m wide awake now)

K: Well, You do still owe me a drink

LB: How you want it?

K: I don’t know, you make it happen (so tired of making all the effort here).

LB: I like body shots (WHOA…what? Definitely drunk, this is sort of out of character for him)

K: Slow down killer, one drink does not get you that privilege.

LB: I should not be saying this to you. I apologize. (back to character…)

K: Don’t sweat it, I’m not easily offended. Figuring u been drinking a bit, haha (really, he HAS to be drunk).

LB: My judgment is not clouded. Real talk: we would not be having this conversation if there was not interest on both sides. There may be circumstances that prevent it, but there is interest and you know it. (Well then! But…hmm…circumstances huh? I’m suspecting…)
K: Not saying there isn’t, remember I suggested drinks. Call me intrigued for now.

LB: Yeah, OK, I understand, can’t say interest. Won’t say interest. I know, Life is what it is. There will come a time when we confront all of this one way or another. (Now we’re getting philosophical…Life is like a box of chocolates…some times you get a nut…oh, sorry, I digress).

K: For the record, I’m all about confronting and seeing what’s what, but I don’t know your story currently, You tell me. (Let’s get to the bottom of this, shall we? Drumroll ladies:)

LB: Unhappy in a situation and have made my unhappiness known. The kids…that are not mine…and I don’t have any…are the best part of the situation 90 percent of the time. I love the kids. (And therein lies the truth!)

Little background here…this person he is with he has been with for at least 4 years now. He was with her when I left my last job. She has 3 kids of her own, and he’s been playing “daddy” to them all this time. I know he’s crazy about the kids. I also know, from previous conversations with him as long ago as 3 years ago, that he hasn’t been happy in this relationship for a VERY long time. Why in the world he’s stayed in a relationship he’s not happy in, is beyond me…but then, we’ve all done this at one time or another, haven’t we? Also, I get the kid thing. I was with someone once who had a 1 year old that I was MADLY in love with and to this day, I miss that kid more than I miss that ex, and wonder quite often how the kid is doing, what he looks like, what kind of little man he grew up to be…he’d be 5 now…so I get the kid thing, it sucks! Back to the texting:

K: That’s tough, been there. So, ball’s in your court with me. I have no situation, meantime, we’re friends.

LB: Ur a keeper.
K: Tell somebody. ;-)
LB: Understood. Love the white boots.
LB: Our situation may change real soon

Okay, to clarify a few things…in the timing of text messages, the above were all coming and going at about the same time…so…Ur a keeper and Understood, both reply to the “ball’s in your court/we’re friends” comment. The white boots? Again with the random. And yet, after my initial “What the hell is he talking about?” I realized that he was referring to a particular pair of white go-go boots I owned when we worked together (and no, I did not wear these boots to work). We had gone to a Hawaiian themed party in the dead of winter (we attended separately, I went with my friends, he went with his, but it was a party for a mutual co-worker’s birthday), and I was wearing a Hawaiian top, white skirt and white go-go boots (seriously, I could rock the white boots then). I remember him commenting on the boots the following Monday at work. The “situation change” comment I replied to below:

K: Even if not, friends have drinks. No longer have the boots. (WHAT? I’m single, I can TOO still flirt and want to have drinks, and friends CAN TOO have drinks, leave me alone).

LB: You still working with that girl in the Big Brother Big Sister program? I know she meant the world to you. (and again with the random. Yet, maybe not, as maybe he’s trying to make me see how important the kids are to him? Or maybe to let me know he still remembers this about me? Or, maybe he’s just random).

K: Yeah, she’s 14 now, love her.

LB: Wow, high school soon. You thought I forgot about the boots.

K: Yeah, surprised you remember. Didn’t think you really still thought of me much (again, WHAT? It’s late, and he’s bringing it up, I’m just trying to decipher how deep this goes, that’s all).

LB: There is a lot you don’t know (well then!)

K: Tell me sometime but I’d rather hear than read (fingers tired, too much texting)

LB: Ok, no problem

K: Having too much fun talking, but should be sleeping (really, fingers tired, too much texting)

LB: You know you don’t want to go to sleep. (BRAT)

K: True, tired of texting, are you bold enough to call? (Oh, you know you wanted me to say it).

LB: I’m tired but that sounds like a challenge.

And then my phone rings (well, vibrates, at this point, Foxy is WAY in sleepyland, and I don’t exactly want to wake her up, so I’ve shut off the ringer hours ago). That part of the conversation is not recorded on my phone like the texts are, and I was seriously half asleep, so I can’t really tell you word for word what happened…but it was something along the lines of him saying he was really too tired to talk, but couldn’t pass up the challenge, me saying I was tired too, and trying to whisper not to wake Foxy up, and then him telling me he’d call me right back, and hanging up. And then…a few minutes later, a text:

LB: Call you in the am. (chicken shit…)

K: Chickened out. ;-) Nite.

LB: Can’t talk, too sleepy we will get on this tomorrow. (too sleepy to talk, not too sleepy to type? Right! CHICKEN…)

At this point, it was 2:58AM…I said good night and shut off my phone.

There was a text message the following night about whether I was having fun at the wedding, he was working (out with clients or some such). That was the last of our communication since.

Now, before you jump to warn me not to get involved with a man in a relationship, let me spare you the trouble. I have exactly ZERO intentions of getting involved with him while he is still in this relationship.

A. I’m not that girl, I’ve never wanted to be the “other woman” and have no intentions of becoming her.
B. OOOH Lord, I’ve dealt with enough baby-momma drama to know better than to step into a situation with kids before it’s been WELL sorted out. Even if they are not technically his kids, I’m SO not going there.

Also, this is the “why buy the cow” argument moms have…As my mom said to me when I told her this story “You start seeing him and he has NO reason to break off his relationship.” She is right of course, but this is probably the LEAST of my reasons. In all honesty, as much as I may joke that “hey, I’m single, I don’t have any commitments” and can therefore do what I want…I just wouldn’t feel right aiding someone in cheating. If he truly is unhappy, then he will eventually break it off, and then at that time, we’ll see what’s what. Besides, I actually don’t think he has any intentions of cheating. He was pretty straightforward about “circumstances preventing”, etc. and I think he really just needed an outlet Friday night, and that is why text messaging is so safe, as opposed to an actual phone call. PLUS, I’m not even really sure there is something there to pursue. I’ve known him a long time, and we’ve always been friends, but I’ve never really thought of him in a romantic way until this whole texting scenario. I have no idea if there is sufficient chemistry there, I haven’t seen him in years. I get it now that he’s always had a thing for me, but I honestly never thought of him that way. That’s not to say it’s not a possibility, but there is also the possibility that there’s nothing.

Here’s the thing, its been really good for my ego to know that the reason I’ve been getting these random texts from him for the last year or so, has been because when the chips are down in his relationship, I’m the one he’s thinking about…I know it sounds terrible, but damn if it doesn’t make me feel desirable! I’m the one that got away? SWEET!

That said, I’m just now deciding to hit the dreaded dating scene again, so the timing for the ego boost couldn’t have been more perfect. As I told him, the ball is now in his court, and in the meantime, I will be going about my business.



Now, can anyone think of a good reason for me to call the Meineke guy who changed the oil and the tires on my car last week? Because he was really hot!