Flaws and All

I’m dealing with a bit of a predicament right now. We’ll call it a split personality issue, if you will. I have always been more than one person in this 5’2” body of mine. There’s the person I am at work, and the person I am with my friends. There’s the person I am with family, and the person I am with strangers. There’s the person I am when I am all alone, and the one I am when I am with the man I love. There’s the person I am on-line and the one I am “In real life”. It’s not a conscious decision to be all these different people at these different times, and I don’t believe I’m the only one who suffers from this multiple personality disorder. It is what we do as humans, we adapt to the situation and people around us, do we not?

And overall, I don’t believe that this is actually a bad thing, as long as we stay true to our “core”. All of the people mentioned above have the basic vital things in common. I’m a good person who cares about others and never wants to purposefully (or even accidentally) hurt anyone else. I love my family and my friends, I love to write, and I love fashion, music and television. I’m independent and strong, and yet self-conscious and insecure at times. Those characteristics show through, I believe, regardless of which persona I’m exposing at any time. Because they are the true essence of who I am.

So, that is not my predicament.

My predicament is this. I am having an issue with my two VERY PERSONAL personalities which I expose to myself each day. Because lately, there’s been a merging of all the above personas into one. This is a good thing. I’m pretty much showing up the same regardless of my environment. A few tweaks here and there, but overall, what you see, is what you get, no matter who you are, it’s me. And I like that. I like that “the real me” is showing through all the facades. I’m knocking down the walls and just letting you see me as I am. Raw, unedited (or as unedited as a writer can allow herself to be), emotional and spiritual, and well materialistic. And therein lays my quandary.

Because this year I found faith in a way I’d never even known could exist for me. Somewhere along the line my faith became the center of my being. And from that, grows everything else around me. I find myself unafraid to speak it, to think it, to share it, to blog it. It is who I am after all, and if you like me for it, then fantastic, and if you don’t…well, such is life.

But there’s this other side of me. This other side is snarky, and sarcastic, and sometimes judgmental. This other side is still madly in love with shoes, and clothes and martinis and a good old fashioned nasty joke. The other side which also happens to be a misfit, not entirely fitting in the description of “the good Christian” whatever that is. This other side has just as many things to share and speak and blog about.

And so I ponder. If I write a post one day about how I saw God in group of teenagers Monday night, and the next day I tell you a tale of how I was giggling in a fitting room when I fit into a size 5 juniors skirt…will you get me? Can I be a holy roller and vain all at once? Is that possible? Is it acceptable, is it okay? Can I praise God and be politically liberal all in the same breath? Can this seemingly oxymoron that is me make sense in a black and white world?

Because it is me. In a realm of self-discovery, in my 30’s. Loving my life for the presence of God in it, but also still caught up in the daily minutia that makes me all too human.

And this duality has kept me from posting much these days. I begin to write something, and wonder if I should, I censor myself, I hold back. Whether because I think my readers might disappear if I talk God one more time, or because I think the other half will balk at my self-centeredness or my less than conservative beliefs.

So I say nothing.

But that’s not me, holding back, saying nothing. That’s not why I blog. I began blogging to share a bit of myself, if you read me then there must be something about “me” that you enjoy. So, I shouldn’t hold back, should I?

I don’t believe I should, I think I should stay true to myself, and allow myself to be who I am. Take me or leave me, but know me.

For the record, I don’t worry about what HE thinks. I’m a work in progress, but He loves me, flaws and all.



This video is easily my favorite Beyonce performance ever (I wasn't even a fan before I saw this) and this song is my current favorite song.

Major Points for me!

Okay look, I've got nothing creatively right now...nothing witty to say, nothing exceptional to share...there's LOTS going on, but the brain is occupied with all of it, and I can't really write coherent sentences today.

So you get this:

Pholph's Scrabble Generator My Scrabble© Score is: 20. What is your score? Get it here.

Only the Good Friday - The One Where I Find The Spirit of Christmas

It is time once again for Shelly's "Only The Good Friday", the project to help good thoughts, good things, good cheer, throughout the interwebs.

And what better time to spread good tidings than Christmas time? Can you believe it is December 5th already? That means Christmas is MERELY 20 days away.

I don't know about you, but it completely snuck up on me this year. I have done exactly ZERO preparations, so I really need to get cracking. Usually by this time, I'm well on my way to being done shopping, and have usually had my decorations up for at least a week, if not longer. This year? Not so much.

But, I'm actually not at all stressed about this fact. I'm excited. I'm looking forward to decorating this weekend, and putting my list together, and hitting the stores. I'm breaking out the Christmas music, and the hot chocolate (shh, don't tell Jenny), and maybe taking a ride out to see some Christmas lights. All good things. I love this time of year.

I'm also looking forward to doing some good for others. You can help too.

What can you do?

Well, for starters, it appears that Toys for Tots is having a hard time reaching their necessary numbers this year. So, you can help. Look up your local Toys for Tots organization online, and find out where they have some drop-off locations. Then pick up and drop off an unrwrapped toy. They are especially in need of toys for newborns to 2 year olds. How easy it is to shop for a baby gift, and EVERYONE loves to buy baby gifts.

Other things you can do? Look up local Soup Kitchens and see if you can lend a helping hand. We're doing our monthly Community Kitchen with our youth group on December 20th. What a great way to start off Christmas week, don't you think?

When you hear that bell outside the stores, you know the one, the one that Santa is ringing by the Salvation Army bucket, instead of rolling your eyes and walking by, reach in your pocket, drop in a few coins. You won't miss them, they're just rattling around in the bottom of your purse anyway.

Here's a really easy, and completely FREE one: Smile at people. When everyone else is pushing and shoving and being bitten by the Scrooge bug out at the malls, just smile. Say hello, Merry Christmas, Have a Nice Day. You'll be amazed what wonders a smile can do.

Good things...Good Tidings to you! Let's keep the spirit alive this season, because isn't that what it's all about?

Through The Storm - A Book Review

Through The Storm – A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World – Lynne Spears with Lorilee Craker

I’ll admit it, along with everyone else, I was glued to my computer screen watching the footage and following the gossip of Britney Spears’ downward spiral. At the time, I was slightly addicted to a few of those “celebrity gossip” blogs, and I would faithfully check in every day, to see what craziness that girl had gotten up to while I’d been asleep the night before.

But, as much as I love celebrity gossip, I am also a sensitive person, and after a while, my heart ached for her. Something was obviously wrong with Britney, and she was obviously not getting the help she needed. All I kept thinking was where in the world was her mother in all this? Because my mom? She would have moved mountains to save me from the self-destruction Britney was imposing upon herself.

So, when I heard the rumor everyone else heard that Lynne would be writing a parenting book, I was outraged. THAT woman? She’s writing a parenting book? What the hell does she have to say about parenting? And then her youngest daughter Jamie Lynn got pregnant at 16. Well, then it just sort of became a joke, didn’t it? Lynne Spears, mother of the year.

And yet, I was curious, because there had to be more to the story.

So, when I was presented with the opportunity from Thomas Nelson Publishers to read and review the real Lynn Spears book, I jumped on it.

For the record, this is not a “parenting” book. And no, this is also not a “tell all” about Britney book.

It is a mother’s book.

The story of a woman, a small town girl, a mother, a Christian, struggling to find her footing, again and again, in a world that threw more curveballs her way than the average person should ever have to deal with.

The story is told in a very personal way, and reads as if you are sitting with Lynne, having a cup of coffee and she’s recalling events from her life.

It is sweet, it is sad, it is even funny at times. There is anguish and pain, but there is also much joy, and pride. Pride for her family, her three beautiful children, who she obviously loves more than life itself. This is obvious. Her story is also surprisingly (to me, because I was unaware of her faith) an extremely spiritual one. I found myself more than once nodding with agreement and understanding at her words. There were also moments I found myself wiping tears from my eyes.

I’ll be honest, the book was not at all what I expected it to be, and I for one, was pleasantly surprised. I have new found respect for not only Lynne Spears, but for the entire Spears clan. I know I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes, not for one minute. We’re quick to say that there’s a price to pay for fame, but sometimes we forget that “they” the rich and famous, are only human. And their families? They didn’t sign up for this, they’re just part of the machine that grinds them up, and spits them out.

And yes, if you are curious, you will learn a few more details about the whole Britney ordeal. But that is not what you will take away from this book.

Will this book keep me from following celebrity gossip? No. But it will remind me to think twice before I jump to judgment. To try and see the “story” behind the “story”. Because there is always more to the story.

Getting into the Spirit of Christmas

In case you were wondering, there are 22 days left till Christmas.

Wait, let me say that again...22 days.

Are you ready? Because I? Am so not ready.

Let me tell you how NOT ready I am. I haven't even THOUGHT about Christmas yet this year. With the youth retreat to prepare for the last two months, along with everything else I had going on, I couldn't even fathom adding thoughts of Christmas into the mix.

So, I postponed any Christmas related thoughts and tasks until "after the retreat". Well, folks, this week is "after the retreat", so I've had to finally face facts. I need to prepare.

And you know what? I'm giddy with excitement. I love Christmas. I love everything about Christmas. The decorations, the songs (don't tell anyone), the sappy movies, the shopping, giftwrapping, and especially gift giving, the parties, the family and friend time, the charity...all of it. I love it.

This year, especially, being in the spiritual place I'm at, I'm looking forward to enjoying this Holy-Day remembering exactly what it is that we celebrate on this day. Let's not forget what this season is all about.

So, today, as my body begins to recover a little more from this past weekend (and the utter lack of sleep all weekend long), I begin making lists. Lists of things I need to do, lists of gifts I need to buy, party lists, organizational lists, Christmas card lists...and this weekend, I break out the decorations and bring Christmas to my house.

I can't wait.

What are you excited for this season?