Ode to Grandma O

As I mentioned in my last post, the group of female bloggers I belong to SheWhoBlogs is celebrating our 3rd Anniversary, and with this celebration come a few contests. One of the contests is a writing contest where we are asked to blog about a woman who has inspired us. You can find out more about the contest here.

I knew right away who I would write about, because I’ve actually been wanting to write this post for quite some time. But this is not an easy post to write. Mostly because by the end, I’m pretty certain tears will be involved.

In fact, I’m pretty certain there are already tears in my eyes…yes, yes, there they are. Right on cue.

Taking a deep breath. Okay.

Please meet my Grandma O.

That’s her in the pink, sitting next to my mom, and yes, that is little old me all cuddled up in her lap. I couldn't have been more than 2 or 3 in this photo. (P.S., the dude with the mustache? Totally my dad!)

Grandma O was my mother’s mom.

Both of my grandmothers played a major role in my life growing up, and I almost feel wrong writing about one without mentioning the other, but I will save Grandma A’s story for another day.

When I was very young, Grandma O and her husband moved to the United States, leaving their families behind in Portugal, so they could try to settle down and start a better life for themselves, and so they could one day bring those same families over here, to provide that better life for them as well.

I don’t really have any memories of my maternal grandparents from when I was a young kid, except for the occasional letters and gifts they would send to us in Portugal.

When I was 10 years old, however, they were finally able to bring us over to the U.S. and it was then that I would truly meet and get to know Grandma O.

Grandma O was a teacher in her youth, and she was the only college educated adult in my family at that time. I was also a bit of a braniac child, loving to read and learn and discuss matters of the world at large, so it’s no wonder that Grandma O and I would form a special bond.

I have such fond memories of spending hours discussing books, and culture, and so many other topics with her. We would never run out of things to talk about, and I marveled at her worldliness, and wanted to know everything she knew.

Grandma O was also the most stylish lady you will ever meet. In her small 5 foot frame, with her tiny size 5 feet, she was always put together so perfectly. With her adorable dresses, dainty shoes, and always matching jewelry. There is no doubt my mother (an equally stylish lady) got all her style savvy from Grandma O, and I, in turn, inherited it from both of them.

Grandma O also loved Hollywood. She loved television, and she loved celebrities. It was with her that I would discuss the latest celebrity gossip. She subscribed to People Magazine, and would save each issue after reading it for me, so I could then devour it, and we could discuss the particulars. To this day, I cannot ever see an issue of People Magazine and not think of her.

Oh there are those tears again, someone hand me a tissue…

In the United States Grandma O worked on a production line at a computer company. Her teacher’s certificate from Portugal held no value in this country. But she was a hard worker, and on top of her job, she volunteered teaching Portuguese at the local parish to children.

She was a sweet woman, full of love, and life and vigor, but she was no pushover. My grandfather is a difficult man. I love him to death, and am eternally grateful for his presence in my life, my only living grandparent. But he is a difficult man. Grandma O, however, took no crap from him. She was the type of woman who let him think he ran the household, but everyone (including grandpa) knew she was the boss.

Everything changed when she got sick. My grandmother battled cancer for over 6 years. In that time period, I was in my early 20’s in college, I watched her suffer tremendously, with grace and dignity. I watched her change from the lively, intelligent, strong woman I knew and loved, into a diminutive, subdued victim of that horrible disease.

I would go over to her house every single day to spend a little time with her. Every day. I knew I needed to soak in every moment I could, bundle together all the memories possible, gather as much knowledge and history as was available from her.

My grandmother inspired me in so many ways, I couldn’t even begin to tell you. But one particular lesson she taught me, I hold near and dear and has shaped the person I am, the way I live my life, every single day.

Toward the end of her struggle, I had a conversation with her in which she said to me, very intensely “Do not wait to live your life. Your grandfather and I saved all this money so we could enjoy ourselves after retirement, we waited, and now I won’t be around, we’ll never get that chance. Do NOT wait. Live your life now”.

So I do. In honor of my Grandma O, I treasure every second of every day. I waste nothing in this life, no moment goes by unnoticed. I live life by my own rules, and I don’t always (if ever) follow status quo, but I always follow my grandmother's advice: I LIVE EVERYDAY.

I miss her dearly. I miss our talks, and I’m saddened that I have been unable to sit and share with her my many adventures since she’s left us. She would have LOVED to hear all the details. And I believe she would be proud that I am living my life the way she inspired me to.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go re-apply my eye make-up. ;-)

My Princess

“We’re going to have to make a run for it” I said looking over at this shy little girl sitting in the passenger seat of my car “are you ready?”

She nodded her head and gave me the tiniest little smile, looking out the car window at the downpour just outside.

“Okay, go” I said, jumping out of the car, locking the doors, running around to grab her hand and running across the parking lot into the mall. By the time we made it inside, we were soaked, and in hysterics. The sound of her giggles warmed my heart up. And it was in that moment that I knew I would love her forever. It was in that moment that our bond as “sisters” was sealed.

Lil’ K was barely 8 years old, and I had just met her that afternoon. After an extensive interview process and background check, I had finally been matched up with my little sister through Big Brother Big Sister. I was 26 years old, single, with no prospect of a husband or kids anywhere in the near future, and I knew I needed to do something to quiet down the maternal instinct that had been nagging at me. I also knew that I was blessed to have a good life, a great family, and a strong head on my shoulders, and if I could use those blessings to reach out to a little girl, and make a difference in her life, I had an obligation to do so.

For the most part, I did it for selfish reasons. I was lonely, bored, going through a tough time with both a recent break-up and a stupid fight with some friends that left me wandering why I bothered, and I was desperate to find meaning in my life.

But I had always wanted to join BBBS, and I knew this was the time.

I know now that not only was making that call the most important decision I have ever made, I also know it was my destiny, my calling, my fate. It would set me on a path that has led me to today, that has made me the person I am. It would, quite literally, change my life.

Today is Lil K’s 17^th birthday. SEVENTEEN. She is beautiful, she is smart, she is bright and fun, and mysterious and silly, she is frustrating and delightful. She is a teenager. She is a lady. She is still that little girl. She is a young woman.

What Lil K’ and I realized that day, nine years ago, at the mall was that we were kindred spirits. They couldn’t have matched two people up more perfectly. Our souls were created for one another in heaven, and it was only a matter of time before we’d find each other.

I love her as my own child, I worry about her as my own child, I celebrate her successes as my own child and I suffer her pains the same. She gives me reason to be, and hope that I am doing something valuable while on this earth.

I have seen her grow from that shy young girl who would speak to no one to a strong young woman who will speak her mind. I’ve seen her struggle with troubles, only to come out shining on the other end, bigger, better, and brighter than ever.

She’s joined my family as one of our own, celebrating holidays, birthdays and all other events with us. And as she’s gotten older, she’s become a dear friend as well, someone I can have conversations with.

I am 35, single, with no kids. But in the last 9 years I have never felt that nagging maternal instinct again, because whenever it would even try, it would be reminded that in Lil K, I have fulfilled it. Whether or not I ever have kids of my own, it won’t matter, because with Lil’ K, I have parented, I have loved unconditionally, and I have grown.

And as she continues to amaze and bless me, to mature and flourish, my heart swells.

Happy Birthday Lil’ K, you are and always will be my baby girl, my sister, my friend.

Family Time

This past weekend my family and I took a bit of a nostalgia trip.

When I was in my early teens, we had a family tradition of spending a week every summer in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. Every year we would pack up the cars for the 2 plus hour drive, and head to a nice little “cottage resort” for nature, fun and games. My cousins PM, M&M and I would get our very own little cottage, our parents (and my little brother) would set up camp in surrounding cottages, and we would spend the week enjoying each other’s company, and the lack of “technology” available to us.

We would cook out, take all day sightseeing/hiking trips, hang out by the pool, hit up random yard sales and village shops, and then spend the evenings by the campfire roasting marshmallows and telling tales.

My cousins and I would then proceed to stay up all night doing whatever it is that teenage girls can do all night long at slumber parties. Giggle, tell stories, fantasize about their future husbands, listen to music.

Every year we’d look forward to this week.

We haven’t been up there as a family in well over 15 years.

This weekend, however, we decided to revisit and take a mini-vacation at the White Mountains.

My parents, my grandfather, my brother and his girlfriend, my uncle and aunt, my cousin M&M, her fiancé and her daughter and of course I spent the weekend at a little cottage resort.

It was surprisingly easy to allow ourselves to let go of the confines of technology and sink into the beauty and ease of nature around us. I won’t lie, we had our blackberries and iphones in tow, but by Saturday afternoon, the constant checks for emails and text messages were less frequent, and by Saturday night, I’d given up all hope (or interest) in keeping up with my twitter stream updates.

Instead the focus was on the beauty of the mountains around us, the warmth of our campfire, and the company of family. We ate, we drank, we told stories, we played games, and we reminisced a bit. Mostly, we just enjoyed the time, and the company.

It was a lovely and fun time, and a reminder of all the great things God has blessed us with.

I’m hopeful it won’t be another 15 years before we all do it again. In fact, the fall foliage is just starting to turn, so a re-visit in a few weeks is something we’re all considering.

I won’t lie, there was a bit of bitter sweetness there as I watched my family throughout the weekend.

The resort we used to stay at, just up the road from the one we stayed in this weekend, is badly deteriorated, closed for renovations, but now owned by someone else.

My cousin PM now lives in California with a family of her own, so she was not there with us. My brother, all grown up, is no longer the “little boy of the family” but instead brought his girlfriend with him. The “kids” are now the adults, and things are so different.

And yet, the love, the camaraderie, the incessant joking and teasing were all the same. For the record, every last one of my family members is nuts. I can’t wait to do this all again soon.

My family and I took a nostalgia trip this weekend, and I brought back a heart filled with warmth as a souvenir.

Only The Good Friday - Because Enough with the Bad

It's been a while since I've posted. I took a little blogging hiatus.

Needed some time to focus on some other things.

I was actually not going to come back from my hiatus until Monday, but it's Friday, which means it's Only The Good Friday, and as this week seems to have been particularly mired in the bad out there, I thought it was time for some good.

So, as the rest of the interwebs, and media outlets and such focus on the "BAD" today (there's a really bad pun in there somewhere, but I'm leaving that one entirely alone), let's take a look at what's good this week:

For starters, personally for me, the sun is out today. After WEEKS of cloudy grey skies and rain...to wake up (after a loud and stormy night) and see

this:

That's a good thing folks. (disclaimer, that picture was actually NOT taken today, it was taken a few weeks ago, but you don't care about that, do you?)

Also on the good? It is Fiesta Friday in Gloucester, Massachusetts tonight, which means a bunch of crazy folks will be out and about partying about town.

And I and my crazy friends will be among the bunch. As a group we tend to do a lot of praying and good deeds together, but not as much rowdy partying, or just casual "hanging out" as we'd like, so we're all pretty excited about a night out on the town.

Always a good time when we get together. This picture is from last year's Fiesta, and as much as I hate how I look in it, it's proof positive of the wild and crazy bunch I run with...plus I've dropped 25 lbs. since it was taken, so this year's pictures should be be

tter for all! ;-)

As if that wasn't enough goodness, last night I booked my flight to Cali, where I will be going to visit my cousin PM and her boys (husband and two sons) for a week in July.

I promised her oldest I'd come see "his house" this summer, and am so happy to be delivering on that promise. Can't wait to see them all...

And finally, because um...I really need to go get ready for work, I leave you with this bit of good...

You woke up this morning. No matter the state of your life, the stresses, the aches, the sadness, or whatever else you might be dealing with...you woke up. You were blessed with another chance to turn it around. Say a prayer of thank you, and enjoy your Friday.

Have a GOOD Friday everyone, and don't forget to pop on over to Shelly's, the creater of Only The Good Friday, and see what else is good.

Happy Mother's Day - How Sweet

(Mom and me, when I was just a sweet little wee one)

I'm going to spend the day with my mother today, so I'll keep this brief and to the point.

I want to wish all the mothers out there in the blogosphere and beyond a WONDERFUL HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!

I'm blessed to not only have the best mom in the world, but also happen to have her as my best friend. Mom and I have the kind of mother/daughter relationship we can all only wish for, and I'm eternally grateful for that.

We've always been thick as thieves, the two of us...even during my difficult years as a teenager, (oh yes, that's me), we were still really good friends. And now as adults we truly are best friends, I couldn't ask for a better friend than her.

So, Happy Mother's Day Mom!!!

Hope you all enjoyed the little journey through my photo album.

Happy Birthday To Me - But it's all about you.

I am 34 years old today. Hold on, let me let that one sink in for a moment…

wait for it…

wait for it…

DAMN…34!

Well then.

And you know what? I’m good. I’m perfectly fine with turning 34. In fact, I’m feeling pretty damn good about 34 right now.

Truth be told, I don’t feel a day over 24. Okay, fine, maybe 25. But to be honest, I feel and look better right now then I have in at least 6 years, so why should I be bummed about 34? I’m having the time of my life.

At 34 I sit before you a single, professional, intelligent, and sexy woman. I have my own home, a great job, the most amazing friends, and an incredible family. I’m in the best shape of my life, and spiritually, in a better place than I have ever been. And I might even have a new love interest (oh, more on that tomorrow).

How could I not, therefore, be thrilled about starting my 34th year on this planet? Of course I am, life is good and full of blessings.

It is those blessings I want to address in this post, because there are many, and I feel there is no better time than my birthday to acknowledge them.

So, consider this my formal thank you letter to the universe for the first 34 years of my life, as I prepare to take on the next 34 and more.

Not to sound like a rap artist at an awards ceremony, but first, to God. For all he has given me, and for the gifts, the simple pleasures, the people, the places, the moments. As I have grown in my faith this past year, my life has transformed in ways that I don’t have words to express, and for that, I am grateful beyond words.

To my family. My mother, who is and has always been, my best friend. I feel like I’m repeating myself, but there are no words to express how much I love you and appreciate you. My dad, the hardest working man I know, the sweetest, kindest man I know. We went through a lot in my adolescence, but now, as an adult, I have only admiration, respect and love for you. I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have you as my daddy. Lil’ Bro, you were my favorite “toy” growing up. I loved to carry you around, and when you were older, take you places with me and show you off to my friends. In all your years on this planet, I can’t remember one single fight we ever had. We don’t always agree on everything, but we’ve always respected one another, and had this unbreakable bond. Now you are a man, and I’m proud to call you my brother.

My grandfather, who I love dearly and who has always been one of my strongest supporters, always proud of whatever I decided to take on in life, and always ALWAYS there when I really needed him.

My uncle, the Warrior, who took his time with me, but knew just when to bring me back to my faith. I’ll be eternally grateful to you for this.

My cousin M&M, girl, I love you and admire you, and appreciate you and am so glad that as adults we’ve become the best of friends, you are my rock at times, and I’m blessed to know you.

My cousin PM, not even distance could dull our friendship. We have the history, the fun times and the tough times and I love you and the rest of your crazy clan out there in Cali.

The rest of my family should not feel neglected if I didn’t mention them by name, I love them all CRAZILY.

My friends, my other family. As a single girl, with no husband, no kids, it is in my friends that I have found my family. There are so many of you I’d be here all day if I named you all individually, so I’m not going to. But I will say that collectively, and individually, you all make my life worth living. Each and every one of you (and you all know exactly who you are), bring elements to my life which help to make me a whole person. I’d be incomplete if I didn’t know you.

Which brings me to my on-line friends. Those I’ve met in person, those I have not, those I speak to daily, those I only speak to once or twice a month. The bloggers, the Twitterers, the ones on Facebook and Yahoo and who knows where else on the interwebs…I learn from you, I laugh with you, I pray with you, and sometimes I even cry with you. I carry you in my pocket (literally, in my handy dandy blackberry) each and every day, and I genuinely care about your lives, and know you care about mine. I’m glad I “know” you.

Those are the people. There are so many other blessings I am truly grateful for, but as I turn another year older, I am learning that it is definitely, without a doubt, about the people you surround yourself with. And I? I have the best in my corner.

So, this is for you, on my birthday, I want to thank you.

Happy Birthday to me…because of you.

Living the American Dream

Today is a big day for the Candid family. On this day waaay back in 1985 Candid Mama, Candid Dad, Lil’ Bro and yours truly stepped off an airplane and onto American soil for the first time ever. We arrived at our new home with a few suitcases a piece, all our worldly possessions pretty much left behind, ready to start a new life.

Grandma O and Grandpa Frank had made the same move several years before, and it was now time to bring the rest of their family over. This wouldn’t be the first time our family had started all over in a new country. In fact, we sort of have a history of doing just that. Our entire family left Portugal for Angola (that’s in Africa, in case you’re wondering) for the chance of a better life.

It was in Luanda, Angola that my mom grew up and met my dad (also a Portugal transport from youth), there they fell in love and were married. It was also in Luanda that I was born.

I’ll skip over the stories of paradise turned war zone for now, though maybe one day I’ll tell you the tales I’ve been told my whole life, but I will tell you that when I was 8 months old we once again started over. Leaving everything behind, taking practically a clandestine flight with only a few suitcases in hand, my parents fled the war torn country back to Portugal.

And that is where I lived until I was nearly 10 years old. It was with stars in my eyes, dreams of streets paved in gold and the American dream that we packed up and started all over again on the day before my 10th birthday.

I have now lived in the U.S. for 24 years. More than double the amount of time I lived in Portugal. This has been my home for my formative years. My adolescence, my teens, my twenties, and now, my 30’s. I became an American citizen at 15, and I’ll tell you right now, I am incredibly proud to call this place my home.

I’m well aware of the issues and problems we face as a nation, and I’m not blind to corruption and problems of not just our government but our society as a whole. I learned very soon after arriving here that the streets were not only not paved in gold, but having arrived here at the end of the winter, potholed and barely paved at times. I learned that you didn’t come to America and have instant wealth, success and fame. The stars in my eyes were quickly diminished to flickers which would sparkle now and then, between the flashes of reality.

But the American dream? It absolutely exists. However, you have to work for it.

I will tell you right now that there is nothing that disgusts me more than people who feel they are entitled. My parents moved here without a penny to their names, and barely speaking the language. They worked hard, they went to school, and they struggled. To this day my parents are two of the hardest working people I know. And they instilled in my brother and me the knowledge that you can absolutely have anything you want out of life, but it’s not going to be handed to you, you need to go out there and get it, work for it, struggle even in order to attain it.

They haven’t had it easy, but no matter how tough times were, we (their kids) never went without the important things. They went for their citizenship as soon as they were able to, making my brother and me citizens by default because we were still under the required age to inherit citizenship from them. They bought their first house when I was still in high school, and made it our home. They still struggle, and the American dream has seemed like a nightmare at times, I’m sure, but they love this country for the opportunities it has afforded if not them, us, their kids.

And I? I am not afraid to tell you that I took full advantage of this land of opportunity. One of the first in my family to get a college education (second only to Grandma O, who was a teacher herself), I worked hard to make the right choices for myself. I became a homeowner, by myself, at 28. Now, 6 years later, I live on my own, provide for myself, and live about as close to the American dream as you can get in this economy. I won’t lie to you, it hasn’t always been easy, and I have struggled just like anybody else to make ends meet, but it is always worth it.

The life I am able to lead, even in the tough times when I don’t know how I’m going to do it, is not one I’d be able to live back in Portugal. And I don’t ever take that for granted. The freedoms I have been granted here as a woman, a single woman at that, don’t go unnoticed. I vote every chance I get, and yes, I support our new President and believe he can set us on the right path. I am hopeful, but realistic.

I won’t get into my personal feelings about our economic crisis and everything else, because this is not that kind of post. But I will say this, as bad as it gets, Americans need to realize how much better we still have it than a lot of other nations, and that we’ve been taking it for granted for far too long, and we need to wake up and take responsibility for ourselves. Nobody is entitled to anything, and I think sometimes we forget that.

All I know is that I plan to live out my life here in the good old U.S. of A., so I have no choice but to have hope things will get better, and there is no option but to be grateful that I live here.

Yes, I’m a sappy patriot. And damn proud of it.

Happy Anniversary Candid Family!

Only The Good Friday

It's time for Only The Good Friday, but as my internet service is spotty at best today, I'm going to have to keep this one short.

So, short and sweet, here's the good:

Christmas was amazing, wonderful and beautiful. I am so blessed with the family and friends I have. I hope you all had a Christmas as blessed as mine was.

Now I sit at work, with our systems all out of wack, unable to actually do any work, and wishing I was home instead. Or out shopping the post Christmas sales. And yet, I'm smiling. Because this is exactly what the holidays are all about, the feeling of joy I've been filled with all week.

I'm not ready yet to let it go either, so tonight I'm heading out for a dinner celebration with a group of friends, and tomorrow I have breakfast plans with one friend and dinner plans with another.

Folks, here's my "GOOD" for today, a piece of what I think is good advice. Whatever it is you are doing this weekend, after the craziness of "Christmas" has passed, take a breath, and be thankful for the loved ones in your life. And then pick up the phone and call a friend you haven't spoken to in a while. Make lunch plans with that friend you just don't get together with enough. Or go visit that elderly relative you don't see as often as you should.

It's all fine and dandy to enjoy your gifts, those material possessions we all crave so much, but take the time to enjoy the people, because really, isn't that what it's all about?

Yeah yeah, I know, I'm all mushy today. Deal with it. ;-)

Merry Day After Christmas everyone! And go visit Shelley for the "Only The Good Friday" details.

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

I have, once again, let a whole week gone by without much blogging (uh, any?), but today is Candid Mama's birthday...a perfectly good reason to blog again.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!!!!

That's mom and me, when she was just a young thing, with a young thing like me. How beautiful was she? She still is. My mother is more than just my mom, she is without question my best friend and I am so grateful to have her in my life.

Have a great Sunday everyone.

Soul Sisters

Last week I gave you the story of The Soulmate. In that post, I mentioned that I believe we all have more than one, and that it doesn’t even have to necessarily be a romantic thing. But I didn’t elaborate. Today, I want to do just that.

See, here’s the thing, throughout my life I have had the opportunity to have all different types of relationships: family, friends, boyfriends, acquaintances and even enemies. And I do believe that every single one of these individuals (even the ones who made my life a living nightmare at times) came into my life for a very specific reason. I’ve always been a firm believer in the “everything happens for a reason” way of thinking, so it’s easy for me to accept these relationships for what they are…meant to be.

But through my life, there have been a select few kindred spirits for which I am and always will be eternally grateful. I am not talking here about those who matter most to me (my parents, my brother, etc.), I am speaking of individuals who have touched a part of my soul in a very specific, very intimate, very unique way. These people have left a lasting imprint that shapes the very core of who I am. Soul is, of course, one of these people. But there have been others. Most of these others have been women and girls...my soul sisters.

Among them, a little girl named Michaela, who became my bff my very first day of elementary school, and made me feel better about being away from mom for the very first time ever. See, as a child I had a serious case of separation anxiety. Seriously, my parents would go out to the movies and leave me with my grandma, who I loved dearly, and I would cry the entire time they were gone. So, when I started school, my first day was torture. I cried the whole day. And Michaela came to sit next to me and tell me it would be okay. I don’t remember much about that day (after all, I was what? Five years old?) but I actually have a very vivid memory of her coming to sit next to me, and somehow making me feel better. For whatever reason, the memory of that day is imprinted in my mind, and her presence in my life, which would last another five years, until I left Portugal, changed my very make-up. I, the little girl who couldn’t stand to be away from home, now relish being on my own, meeting new people, and experiencing new things. I believe she played a vital role in shaping that part of me, and I wonder what she’s doing now.

There have been others, with smaller impacts, but just as vital, throughout the years. And then there’s Lil’ K. When I met this shy, apprehensive 8 year old girl, I fell madly, deeply in love instantly. She was so scared of the big wide world, and yet, she took to me immediately. Grasping my hand tightly, she allowed me to lead her around our weekly visits to the mall, the movies, out to dinner. She instantly became a constant part of my life, and we fit together as only kindred spirits can. All these years later, I love her as if she were my own, and our bond is as strong as ever. We were meant to be and there is a connection that can only be explained…well, it can’t, to be honest, it just is. We are family, biology be damned.

And then, quite recently, I’ve been blessed to find another kindred soul in The Disciple. To be fair, I think the vibe The Disciple gives off, by her very nature, creates that feeling of kinship with just about anyone. She is just that person, the one everyone is immediately drawn to in a crowd. When she speaks, whether it be about her love of running, or about her faith, or about something as trivial as a pair of shoes, you can’t help but listen. Her energy is infectious, addictive, and awe inspiring. Those of us who know her personally, have no doubt how blessed we are. And for me personally, I just feel that unexplainable connection. We are alike in so many ways that it would be impossible for us to not be friends. Although younger than me, she has a way of bringing out in me my best qualities, and making me want to be a better person. But she also mirrors all the things I already do love about myself. I see them in her, and know I possess them too, know that is why we are so close, and realize there are no limits to what I can do, who I can be. But it’s not all about the seriousness. We can also be completely goofy and girly, and silly, and in those things too we have a lot in common. When recently complementing each other’s shoes, we realized we were wearing the same designer…you can only imagine the jubilance that followed that discovery for two self-professed shoe lovers. In some things, I view her as a younger version of myself. In others, she’s wise beyond even my years. But she’s my Soul Sister in every sense of the word, and once again, another individual placed in my life for a purpose.

I am blessed presently to be surrounded by an amazing group in my faith family. Along with The Disciple, I’ve got a whole slew of potential “soulmates”, of all ages, some members of my biological family, others I have known since I was a teenager, still others I’m just meeting for the first time. And then there are the teens themselves. A fantastic group of characters, each with their own gifts to offer the world and within that group, I’ve found Duckling. A 15 year old girl who again reminded me of a younger me, and has touched my heart in unexplainable ways. Every time I see her smiling face, I realize how real my connections are in this world, I am reminded how vital it is to each of us to reach out and love, without fear, without expectations, without doubt. Duckling, along with Lil' K, touches the part of me that has not yet had the chance to become a mother. These young girls bring out my maternal side, and allow me to not only give of myself, but to receive an incredible amount in return. So, in this, Duckling is yet another, younger Soul Sister.

The blessings keep coming, and with each of these individuals, I grow. So, yes, I do believe everyone has a soul mate. I believe we have many, and are blessed each and every time we come across one of them. I do still hope one day I’ll meet that one who will be all things to me…friend, lover, confidant and soul mate. But until he comes along, I’m not holding back, there’s a lot of soul to go around yet.

Photo Hunt #26 - Hanging

Before we get into this week's Photo Hunter post, a few items of note. First and foremost...today is my daddy's 60th Birthday...
Seen here with Luanda (who is madly in love with Candid Dad). My dad rocks! Happy Birthday Daddy!

Also, last week I wasn't able to comment at the Photo Hunter site before I took off for a day long car wash fundraiser with the teens...so, I figured I'd give you a link to my What is That? entry.


Okay, without further ado...this week's theme is "Hanging" and I have to tell you, when I saw the theme I was very excited because I had just taken the following shots from my office window:

Look closer:
This dude "hung" out outside my office window, at the building across the street, washing windows all morning one day last week. He is sitting on a little plank of wood, and yes, he is harnessed in, but still...not a job you'd catch me doing. A little bonus? He was pretty easy on the eyes too.

Happy Hunting!!!

Beautiful Women

Something miraculous is happening in my life lately, and I find myself in such a good place. The only negative to this is that I find myself with a serious case of writer's block.

This is not the first time something like this has happened to me. I've said before that sometimes a writer needs misery and sadness in order to be able to write. For years I was happy with my life and couldn't write a word...no poetry, no fiction, no nothing. Because of blogging, I was able to break through that block, and begin writing again. But lately, I've got nothing.

Last night, as I sat and watched the Boston Celtics kick some serious L.A. Laker butt, I stared at my computer screen for hours. I sat there and stared, but could think of nothing to write. NOT A THING.

The thing is, I have so much to tell you. But I just can't seem to make the words come together to make sense of it all.

And at the end of the night, I wind up with a blank post, and I give up. Call it a night, say "maybe I'll write it tomorrow".

So, I took a different aproach last night. I decided that I would just show you a photo. A photo of two beautiful women who have changed my life in recent months with their friendship, and their faith. The first I've talked about before, my cousin M&M, who is someone with an incredible amount of faith, and an even greater sense of love. Love for everyone and everything around her. The second "the Disciple" you haven't met, but I really need to tell you about her. In the short time that I've known her, she's opened my eyes to so much, she's changed my view of the world around me. And she's done it all without trying, just by being who she is. We should all be so blessed to have two ladies such as these in our lives. And to top it off, they are my friends, girls who know how to have a good time, laugh at themselves, and appreciate the finer things in life. My girls...and I:

I swear, the sarcastic, cranky, wise-ass Karina is still around, she's just feeling mellow lately.

But stay tuned because I have a bacon lollipop (yep, you read that right) that I still need to try, and I'll be blogging all about that soon.

Now, go on and wear your green proudly today, because it's Celtics Day in Boston!

Photo Hunt #21 - Emotion(s)

Today's Photo Hunter thme is "Emotion(s)". I really believe nobody is more expressive with their emotions than children. They just don't know how to hold back. Whatever it is they are feeling, it's right there, written all over their face, their body language. And sometimes this bevy of emotions can be expressed in a matter of seconds from happy,to sad, to exhuberant, to downright miserable. I love that.

So, here's my cousn PM's son, "Smiley"...but as you can see, he's not alway smiling. Often, but not always.

How cute is he? Thanks for stopping by!

There's other fish in the sea - Thursday Thirteen

M&M and I took Brainiac and Lil'K to the New England Aquarium on Saturday. It was an outing to celebrate Lil'K's 15th birthday. For those who don't know, Lil'K is my "lil' sis" through Big Brother Big Sister. We were "matched" seven years ago, and in that time, she has obviously become a part of my family. Lil' K was 8, Brainiac was 2 when they met, and they took to each other like little girls at that age will do. They are very much like cousins now, and although they don't see each other quite as often anymore, whenever they are together, that bond is apparent, and it is a joy for both M&M and I to watch our "little girls" together. Saturday was no different. The girls had a blast, and M&M and I got to act like giggly little girls as well, while checking out all the magnificent creatures the ocean has to offer. Below are just SOME of the photos I took:

1. Right outside, greeting us as we walked in, was this little guy:

I thought he was an otter, but was informed by Brainiac that he was, in fact, a seal. Either way, he was adorable and friendly.

2. The Jellyfish exhibit was fascinating and I couldn't take my eyes off these critters:

3. These guys were pretty cool too:

4. This little guy brought out the pinstrip suit, as well as the eye make-up for the occasion:

5. His friend chose to go with a more "70's" inspired look, however:

6. This dude was not feeling all that sociable, but I think that was probably for the best...

We were all a little bit freaked out by him, even if he was behind glass.

7. The seadragons gave us a bit of a dance routine to watch:

8. And Myrtle the Turtle (really her name), came right on over to say hello, managing to scare the living daylights out of the girls when she snuck up on them against the glass.
Myrtle weighs over 540 lbs., and is about 70 years old. I think she looks pretty good for her age, don't you?

9. This little guy looked like a miniature next to Myrtle. He's coming up for air here, and we were all kind of ga-ga over him.

10. Ever watch Fraggle Rock? Remember that talking rock, or pile of trash, or whatever it was in the back yard?

I think this fish was doing an impersonation of it.

11. This pretty lady in her colorful spring dress gave me my favorite shot of the day:

No, not the above shot...this one:

Well, hello there!

13. And finally, in a rare moment of self-disclosure, here's a photo of M&M, yours truly, Lil' K and Brainiac at the end of a very long day:
Hope you enjoyed your trip through the aquarium with us. Have a great Thursday everyone.

Family Time

If you read my blog even semi-regularly, then you know that my family is without question the most important aspect of my life. I'm blessed to have the most amazing family; we've always been close and I always look forward to the holidays when we can come together and enjoy each other's company.
However, as is bound to happen, as we (the "kids") have grown up, the reunions have become less, and smaller. It is difficult when members of the family get married, move away, or have other commitments, to orchestrate big family events as much. Still, as a family, we manage to have a bond tighter than most it seems, and the holidays are always a great time.

But it is my immediate family, my parents and my brother, as well as my grandfather, who really make up the "core" family for me. Being single and in my 30's, with no kids, these four people ARE my family. They're all I've got in the best, and in the worst of times. Thankfully, for the most part, we have the best of times together. Candid Mama is more than just my mom, she is and has always been, my best friend. My dad is the one of the most amazing human beings I know. No wonder I'm single, with a man like that as an example, it's no wonder the boys I've dated can never measure up. Grandpa came to live with us when my grandmother passed away seven years ago. He is an integral part of our little "circle" in so many ways. And then there's Brotherman (formerly known as Shortstuff, though I REALLY can't call him that anymore). My brother is 9 years younger than I, and that age difference has always meant that we have a special kind of relationship. He was my little "doll" to play with in the first few years of his life. Then he was the adorable toddler I'd show off to my friends. When I was in college, he was pre-teen I'd take with me to school, proud to introduce him to my "grown-up" world. And as a teenager, there were many times he'd come to me for advice, or just to talk about whatever was on his mind. As he turned into a young adult, we were friends, even traveling together, enjoying each other's company. I can't remember ever having a real fight with him, and it was strange, but comforting, when on a family trip to Mexico a few years ago, we even "partied" together. Talk about an eye opening experience...doing shots in Mexico with your "little" brother and then sitting on the beach, with a decent buzz going, talking about the state of the world.

But there was something missing for a while there. Not so much in our relationship, but with Brotherman himself. He had a rough adolescence, and it has taken him quite a long time to find his center, if you will. I've alluded to an experience this past Thanksgiving weekend that changed him, and I still won't get into details, because they were his own personal experiences, and not mine to share. However, in the last several months he's earned his name change, from Shortstuff, to Brotherman. No, not because he's had a change in height (that happened years ago), but because I can now officially look at him as a man.

This maturing in him has been nice for our whole family, and has brought about a new closeness for all of us. Since I moved out of my parents home, we've made an effort to have a "family dinner night" once a week. Lately these dinners are full of adult conversation, and just good quality time.

We all seem to enjoy this time, but what I love the most is that I think Brotherman has genuinely begun to appreciate this time himself as something he likes and wants to do, as opposed to something he feels obligated to do.

And on Easter Sunday, probably without even realizing it, he made us all a little bit more grateful for the family we have. After lunch, the two of us drove our uncle and aunt to the airport, as they were off to see my cousin PM and her family in California. I offered to go with Brotherman to keep him company on the way home, expecting him to tell me that he'd be fine, driving home with his radio on, doing his own thing. Instead he said that would be nice, and we enjoyed a grown up conversation between two siblings who have become friends as adults, on the ride home. When we returned to my parents' house, it was just the two of them at home, and dad was on the computer, mom was in the living room. We joined mom in the living room and jokingly shouted to dad that we were "having family time" and he needed to join us. So he did. And a few hours later, all four of us were still sitting around, chatting, playing with the dog, joking, and being a family. At one point mom and I said we had to go to the computer, because I needed to help her set up her blog and Brotherman said "No, we're having family time". So we laughed, and sat back, enjoying the comfort of family. Eventually, Brotherman got up and announced "Okay, family time is over." At which point we all went our separate ways, about our business. But if you had any idea how significant it is to have him be the one wanting to make that time last a little bit longer, well...then you'd just know, you know?

Where I'm From

Seems like I'm having a meme sort of week around here. Yesterday I completed two memes I was recently tagged for, and today I have something a bit different. I found this at A Slice of Life quite a long time ago, and have been meaning to do it myself but hd never gotten around to it. Finally, here it is:

Where I Am From

I am from ballet shoes, from "coma com pao" chocolate bars dad would bring home from work and the wide open sea a few steps away.

I am from the tiny two room house on the beach, small and dank, filled with the sounds of mom in the kitchen singing African songs.

I am from four foot high ferns, sugarcanes in the back yard, lilypads that grew on land, the countless plants nurtured by my mother's touch, the trees I'd climb, secret hiding spots, and the sand beneath my feet on the way to the beach.

I am from large dinners with too much food and loud voices, louder laughter, from Avo Odilia and Grandpa Frank and Vovo Ana.

I am from the hard working and determined laborers, and the story tellers with tales of survival and perseverence.

From "I am Proud of you, you should be proud of yourself" and "It's their loss, don't let them get to you".

I am from grandma teaching me to pray at night, seeing God in everyday things, church on Sundays, but only if it feels right, never doubting that faith is what's inside.

I'm from Africa, Portugal, the U.S. of A., starting over again and again, knowing home is where the heart is. From "Muamba" and "caldo verde", "papo secos" and "linguica".

I am from parents who knew they'd met the love of their lives on the day they met, from a family of refugees, fleeing a country in civil war, although they'll always hold it as paradise in their hearts, from a third try, where the streets where supposed to be paved in gold.

I am from photo albums filled with memories, journals filled with poetry, video tapes filled with laughter. I am from stories of survival, renewal, revival. Books inherited from my grandmother, heirlooms gifted by another.

I am from a history of struggle, a present of love, a future of dreams. I am.

This was a lot of fun to do. IF you would like to attempt this yourself, go here for the template and instructions.

Birthday Fun - With Photos

So, as most of you already know, yesterday was my birthday, and I've always been the sort of person who makes a bit of a fuss about my birthday. It was always a big deal growing up, and I've carried that through to my adulthood. Hey, we're only given one day a year that is all about us, and we spend the rest of the year working really hard to please others, so why shouldn't we celebrate ourselves? So, I do.

And this past weekend I had many opportunities to do just that, and to enjoy the company of some great friends in the process.

On Friday at work, my coworkers surprised me with birthday cake, a card, and a plant. Is it a sign that you are all grown up when you are genuinely giddy by receiving a plant?

The real fun started early on Saturday, when I headed to Mohegan Sun Casino to meet up with my friend Ms. B.. Since she lives in New York, the casino in Conneticut is a great half way point for us to meet. Don't know why we've never thought of it before, but I think it'll become a more regular meeting place for us. So, we met up, grabbed a quick bite to eat, and played a few penny slots. Immediately the day was off to a good start, as I won about $8 right off the bat. Let me take a moment here to explain to you what a feat this is, because you see, I-DON'T-EVER-WIN at gambling. EVER. No scratch ticket wins, no concert tickets on the radio wins, no slot machine wins, no raffles, no bingo...I don't win. So, hey, $8 up and I'm a happy camper. Of course, I kept playing and promptly lost it all again, but it was early yet, and it was only a $5 bill that I had started off with.

From there, Ms. B and I headed in to watch the show we had tickets for. It was a ballroom dance showcase featuring some of the world's champions in various styles of ballroom dance. The show was wonderful and we truly enjoyed it. I wish I had some photos to share with you, but photography was not allowed at the show. After the show we walked around some, avoided the Bon Jovi fans as much as we could (man, was I jealous), and did some more gambling on the penny slots, and a bit of Keno (where I won again...a whole dollar, but hey, still a win). Then we had dinner, and decided to hit the penny slots one last time before we left. Ladies and gents, it was then that I struck it rich. I won $94.23! On a penny slot machine, in one fell swoop! Needless to say, I cashed that baby out and called it a night.

Ms. B. and I then said our goodbyes and headed our own separate ways home. I came home to a wonderfully unexpected surprise from a fellow blogger, but I am actually going to leave that one to tell you all about tomorrow. It was such an amazingly kind and wonderful surprise that it is deserving of its very own post, so please do come back tomorrow so I can tell you all about it.

On Sunday I slept in quite late, and then woke up to the great surprise (read sarcasm here) of my internet being down. After much battling and effort, and the assistance of a wonderful customer service technician at Buffalo (the makers of my new internet router), I was back online...just in time for a date with my mother to go grocery shopping. After that errand, I had just enough time to run home, put away my groceries, and head out to dinner with my friend Shopaholic, and another mutual friend of ours. Shopaholic surprised me with a bag of goodies, including the plant on the right in the photo below (the plant on the left is the one my coworkers gave me). Yep, I'm all grown up, my plants are gifts I'm completely excited about.

Speaking of plants (or plant like things), since mom and dad had given me my birthday present back in January (this Sanseo coffee machine, which quickly became my favorite appliance), while out grocery shopping mom presented me with these:

Ain't they pretty?

Then yesterday mom and I took the day off work, and had planned a mother/daughter day to celebrate my birthday. As a wonderful surprise, my brother decided to join us on our outing to the zoo, and the three of us had a wonderful time walking around and checking out all the animals and their wild antics. I will have photos from the zoo posted here on Thursday, as well as a tale you won't believe...with video for proof. Trust me, you'll want to come back for that.

The celebrations ended with a family dinner at a local Japanese restaurant with mom, dad, grandpa and my brother.

I want to thank you all for your birthday wishes throughout the past few days, they have each and everyone of them been greatly apreciated. You have all brought a smile to my face, and made me feel loved.

I had a wonderful birthday, and am feeling great, even if I am a WHOLE YEAR older (or is it just another day older?) and back at work. Now I need to do some serious blog hopping, I practically missed Fun Monday and there's a party going on, you know?

Thursday Thirteen

A new year has dawned, and with the coming of a new year, it seems everyone has their hearts set on fresh starts, new beginnings, clean slates. I don't know what it is about a New Year that makes such a difference, after all, every day is a new day, an opportunity to make a fresh start. And yet, we can't help it, we get wrapped up in the mystic power of a brand new year laid out in front of us with all sorts of potential. I'm no different, I always begin the year with goals, plans and expectations; hope, joy and a fresh outlook.

But that's not so bad, is it? Everyone needs a fresh start now and again, so if we choose this turn in the calendar to recenter ourselves, refocus our minds and hearts, then let it be. There's no harm in taking that deep breath at the stroke of midnight and plunging in head first into the new year.

So here we are, 2008. A wide open canvas for all that it will be. Where this year will take me only time will tell, and I'll let it unfold on its own.

For now, however, I'd like to reflect a bit on this past holiday season. Christmas and New Year's Eve passed in a frenzy of food, family, fun and friends, and I've barely taken the time to share any of it with all of you. So I thought I would use this week's Thursday Thirteen to share some of what my holidays were like.

1. I'm not entirely sure why (though I have my suspicions) but to me, this Christmas was probably the best my family has had since my grandmother passed away seven years ago. There was a real sense of family, of love, of togetherness that we've tried to bring back through the years, but for some reason, it was present this year. No doubt my brother's recent experience had something to do with it, but it was more than that. I've refrained from delving too deeply into what it is that has transformed within my brother, because that is his to tell alone, but we'll just say that through a series of "everything happens for a reason" type of events, he's found a bit of himself that was lost a long time ago. And as fate would have it, quite a few members of our family are interconnected in how it all played out, and so we found ourselves this Christmas very grateful, and blessed.

2. I had a lovely time the Sunday before Christmas hanging out with my mother, my "little sister" Lil'K, and my brother (and his dog Diamond). We've made it a new tradition that Lil'K and I help mom with the baking of all the Christmas sweets she makes. Namely, Lil'K and I make one particular cake, while mom makes all the rest. This particular cake is quite "labor intensive", and Lil'K and I take great pleasure in our creation. Something went horribly wrong this year however, and the fact that the cake managed to not collapse in on itself was quite the accomplishment. The ordeal leading to the completion of this cake was rought with fits of giggles and horrified squeals. You sort of had to be there, but it made for a fun afternoon in mom's kitchen. So much so that when I dropped Lil'K off that night, she told me her cheeks hurt from laughing so much. There is no greater feeling.

3. My friend Traveler was "home" from Florida for a few weeks, and we were able to spend some quality time doing what we do best. Attending a Boston Bruins game, with free tickets in a VIP suite she scored through her various connections, sipping martinis while we gossiped about poor wardrobe choices of those surrounding us, and giggling like schoolgirls as we flirted shamelessly with men we had no intention of speaking to after we left that day. We spent another day shopping and basically wasting time while we enjoyed time together in a friendship that thankfully has not really suffered due to the long distance her move to Florida created. If anything, we've just become more creative in how to make our friendship work. Traveler is easily one of my closest friends, and distance hasn't dulled how easily we relate to each other.

4. My family celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve. We all gather at my mother's house for dinner, enjoy ridiculous amounts of food (and wine) while we chat about anything and everything. This year midnight came with hardly a notice from us, and all of us filed out and headed off to midnight mass. After mass we regathered at mom's for the annual "exchange of the gifts". The gift exchange in our family has always been a momentous occasion because we open all gifts one-by-one, so that everyone can see what everyone else has received. We also ALL give a gift to every person. We do this not because we have loads of money to spend (we do not), but because in our family, the act of giving is actually a lot more pleasureable than the receiving. You can see the thrill on everyone's faces as their gifts are opened and well received. None of us spend a lot of money, but all of us spend a lot of time thinking of just the right gift.

5. This year, I was particularly excited about several of my gifts, because I'd thrown in a personal touch to quite a few of them. Having discovered photography this year, and the fact that I might actually have an eye for the art, I put together quite a few "photo" gifts for people. Among them was a photograph of a sunset for my uncle, a collage of photos for my cousin M&M from a "foliage" trip we took with her daughter Braniac in the fall, and other elaborate collages I created for a few girlfriends with photos we took at several events through the year. The gift I was most excited to give, however, was the one I created for my brother. Several years ago my uncle created fabulous collages of photos for our family. They included pictures of our childhood, with our grandparents, parents, etc. At the time my brother was possibly too young to appreciate such a gift, so he received a remote control car, or something of the sort. I remember that he made a comment that he wouldn't have minded receiving a collage as well, but it wasn't a big deal. This year, however, I felt that he would trully appreciate a bit of his history in photographs, so I dug out old photos and new, and put a great collage together. I could hardly wait to give it to him. I believe he loved it as much as I had hoped he would.

6. I received many wonderful gifts, meaningful, fun, entertaining, and useful. I would list them all here, but I'm afraid I'd leave something out and offend someone, so we'll just say that I loved each and every gift I received, and was just glad to be thought of by everyone. I really did get some great gifts though! I'll probably mention some in my future posts as I use them.

7. By the time the "gift exchange" was complete it was nearly 4AM. I told you it was a momentous occasion, didn't I? We all gathered our wares, and headed for home.

8. Christmas day is a lazy day for our family. We get up late to recover from the previous evening, and spend the morning (ahem, early afternoon) playing with our gifts. I had a (very) late breakfast and surrounded myself with my booty. A late shower and I was off to join my family at a family friend's house, where a new tradition of Christmas lunch/dinner has been borne the last few years. More food, more wine, more conversation and laughs. I was home by 7PM and curled up on the couch in my pj's, in preparation of the return to work the next morning.

9. The Saturday before New Year's I had my annual Christmas Party at my house. Every year I host a few "girl's nights" at my place. It began with my annual Christmas Party the first year I owned the condo and has now blossomed into a few other's throughout the year, usually for my birthday, and this year, for Halloween as well. Because I am single, and have a fantastic group of female friends from various areas and times in my life, I've chosen to make these parties "ladies only" events. It gives me an opportunity to spend some time with my friends, and for them to get to know each other a bit. And since it's my party, I can be "single" if I want to, and not feel like the only one in the room without a partner. It works out well, I think, because I believe the girls enjoy a night off from family and significant others, to just be girls. We eat, we drink, we chat, we play games, and all sorts of hilarity ensues. This year was no different, we had a fabulous time. I might have had a bit too much to drink, but I'll never tell.

10. Making my party a bit more special this year was the fact that my cousin PM and her family had arrived from California earlier that day, and she was able to come to one of my parties for the first time since I've been hosting them. I miss PM tremendously, and always enjoy spending time with her, so it was a treat to have her there with my other friends. Her sister M&M and I have become extremely close over the last few years, so it was wonderful to have both of them there, now that we're all grown up.

11. The following day I was able to hang out with the rest of PM's family. Her husband, JM who I definitely consider a very good friend and her two little boys. Her oldest boy, who is four now, I am madly in love with, and miss terribly when they leave. Her youngest, who is seven months, I had yet to meet. Yes ladies and gents, I have fallen madly in love with him as well. Never will you meet a happier child. I got plenty of "baby time" in, and am really sad they don't live closer, because I swear I'd sign up for babysitting duties regularly (are you guys listening? MOVE BACK). sigh, worth a shot folks. That evening PM, JM and I went to the movies to watch I Am Legend. I'll save that movie review for a separate post, and you all already know about the text messaging/LawBoy fiasco, so I'll skip that as well.

12. New Year's Eve was spent at my aunt and uncles house, with my parents, my cousin M&M, her boyfriend, and Braniac. Again, family, food, wine, laughter, conversation and games. All the good things in life. We watched Dick Clark's countdown, and I was home and in bed by 2AM.

13. I took lots of pictures during these few weeks, but have not had a chance to upload them yet...I'll share them on here soon though. I can honestly tell you that I'm actually sad for the holidays to be over. There was a joyful, warm, loving light surrounding them this year, and I'm not quite ready to turn it off yet. My Christmas tree is still up, and I still turn the lights on every night when I get home. I'm thinking I might have to take the tree down this weekend, and I'm kind of sad about that. But I guess I'll have the pictures to remind me of the season and make me smile.

I hope you all had as wonderful a holiday season as I did. And here's to a fantastic 2008!