2. Okay Ms. Single - what are you looking for in a man?
Frigga, this is why we get along so well. Because we are obviously on the same wavelength. Again, I just answered this in my
Thursday Thirteen post last week. However, the
TT was written in fun and humor, and I think some folks actually thought I was serious about wanting each and every one of those things exactly as I requested them. One person even told me my standards were too high...so I’ll be more serious in my answer here. (However, for the record, my standards are pretty damn high...I've been single this long, why should I settle for less than the best?)...okay, okay...
What am I looking for in a man? It would be easier to answer with what I am NOT looking for in a man, because that I know for sure. What I want, I’m not so sure about.
I am looking for someone who is going to come into my life to make it just that little bit...more. I have a good life. Actually, I might even go on and say that I have a great life. I have a good job, make decent money, own my own place, have a wonderful group of friends, a fantastic family, and am not lacking in things to do to keep me occupied. I am truly blessed with my life, and don’t take any of it for granted. I have worked my ass off to get where I am today and have what I have, and don’t ever sell myself short in realizing what I’ve gotten for myself. I am a truly independent soul, and have gotten used to living life on my own. I have learned to be alone without feeling lonely, and I have also learned the art of surrounding myself with great people when I can’t stand to be alone any longer. So, what the hell does any of that have to do with what I’m looking for in a man? It’s easy. I’m looking for someone who is just going to kind of easily FIT into my lifestyle.
Yes, I’m well aware that I’ll have to adapt, compromise, make some changes, all that comes with the territory of relationships. But I am hoping to find someone who won’t require a complete life change from me, because I’m not prepared to do that.
I have taken the time to work on myself, and make myself the best me that I can. I am looking for a man who has taken the time and the effort to do the same with himself. Someone who knows who he is, knows where he is in life, and has a general idea of where he wants to go next. Someone who can and wants to be with me, but at the same time, can and wants to have his own life apart from mine, in the beginning at least. As things progress, that can change. I grew up in a household where my parents do everything together, and I’m not opposed to that…just not yet.
I am looking for a man who doesn’t have a problem with my self-reliance. I’ll still let him open jars for me, but I can open them myself too, and the truth is if he tries to open them for me all the damn time, it's going to piss me off. Okay, maybe not the jars, but you get the point.
I am looking for a man who can make me laugh. This is key. I think life can really suck a lot of the time, so if we can’t laugh about most of it, we won’t make it. A man who can be goofy, and stupid, and ridiculous, but knows when to turn that off and be serious. No grouches though, please, I can’t handle it. Life is too short to be in a bad mood all the time.
I need my man to be intelligent. As I said in my TT, he doesn’t have to be a genius, but if we can’t have serious, intellectual conversations about stuff, then I’ll get bored real soon. I love to argue and debate, and analyze things…I love to do it with others. My man has to be able to do that with me.
I want a man that can make me feel like a woman. This should need no explanation...any woman out there knows exactly what I mean. It's just that feeling you get that no matter how independent and self-sufficient you are, once in a while, you want to just be a lady and your man to be a MAN.
(it wouldn't hurt if he had THAT back? hmmm...)
There are other things as well, he has to love family, because mine is the most important thing in my life. He has to want kids, because I absolutely want them, and have plans of adopting at least one child in my lifetime, whether or not I have some biologically. He has to be employed, and a hard worker, but not be all about work. It would help if he can dance, but as long as he’s willing to get out on the dance floor with me, I don’t even care if he’s any good. Just dance with me.
And two things I will not budge on EVER are the smoking and the drinking. I will unequivocally NOT date a smoker, EVER…I hate the stuff, want nothing to do with it, and will not have it in my house, will not kiss a smoker, YUCK…no thanks.
And alcohol for me can also be a deal breaker. I enjoy a good drink as much as the next person, but I drink socially, and in small quantities. My days of bragging about how many drinks I ingested are far behind me, and I have no plans of going back there. If “going out drinking” is still part of how a man spends his free time, then he’s not the one for me. If he’s “having a few drinks” while he’s out doing other activities, I don’t have a problem with that. I’m not against alcohol, I just don’t want to date an alcoholic (I’ve done it before, it’s not pretty). And please, whatever you do, don’t be one of those assholes who thinks driving with alcohol in your system is okay as long as you don’t get caught. We really won't get along then.
As far as looks go, I’m not really picky. I could tell you the kind of guys I’m attracted to, but the list is long. The truth is that my tastes have broadened from my younger days, and there are several “types” of men that I find attractive. And I honestly believe that personality has a lot to do with it. I’m not saying looks don’t matter, they do; I’m just saying that just like with everything else in my life, I have eclectic tastes.
How about that for a long answer! Hey, you asked.
3. How many shoes do you really have? And what's your favorite pair? And do you really wear all of them? (I know it seems like three, but it's really only one... Never mind that man behind the curtain)
This is definitely three questions, but since they’re about shoes, I won’t complain. Be forewarned, you gave me 3 questions on my favorite topic...you are in for it now.
Okay, at last count (which was at the beginning of the summer) I had 69 pairs of shoes. Shut up, it is not too many!
However, I have since bought at least 6 more pairs, (okay, I’m lying, I’ve probably bought closer to 10 pairs), BUT I have thrown out about 5 pairs as well. (okay, I’m lying again, I still have them, but they are in a bag in my room which is going to goodwill one of these days, seriously!).
I really do wear I’d say about 95% of them. Seriously. Here’s the deal, I have winter shoes, summer shoes and inbetween shoes. My winter shoes consist mostly of boots. My boots are for all occasions. I have stiletto boots I wear to work. I have other boots I wear which are slightly more comfortable for days when there is snow on the ground, but still dressy. I have boots I wear for really crappy weather days. I have casual boots for the weekends, I have sneakers. I have these in all sorts of colors to go with the myriad of outfits I wear. I have shoes. Dress shoes, casual shoes, work shoes, going out shoes, I have these in all colors. I have sandals. Dressy sandals, casual sandals. Flip-flops I have many. Again, in all colors. On average, I wear about 5 or 6 different pairs of shoes in any given week. Some days I will wear two different sets of shoes, depending on what I am doing in the morning, and then again at night. Because my wardrobe is about as extensive as my shoe collection, I can go weeks without wearing the same pair of shoes twice. I do, however, have my staples, which are worn more than any other shoes. These are usually black. My favorite and/or more comfortable black heels, black sandals, black boots, etc.
I do not feel guilty in the slightest because of my extensive shoe collection. I have paid cash for every pair of shoes I own. I have worked hard for that cash, and I choose to spend it on things that make me happy. Shoes make me happy.
I have never spent above $60 on a pair of shoes. And in fact, the ONE pair of shoes that I can think of that I spent $60 on, are the most uncomfortable pair of shoes I own, and I actually am extremely upset about having spent that money on them. Damn shoes…Nine West might just get an angry letter from me about them.
Most of my shoes I buy on clearance. I own several pairs of designer shoes that I have paid a mere $7 for. With deals like that, what sane person can resist? Shut up, I am too sane!!!
I have shoes I have owned for 6 years or longer. So, although my collection is extensive, I’ve been building it for years. Every year I recycle some, and buy new ones to replace them. This is my shoe philosophy: no matter how fat or ugly you are feeling on any given day, the right pair of shoes can always make you feel 100 times better. Try it, you’ll see.
Now, as far as which pair is my favorite. Seriously? That’s like asking a mother which child is their favorite. I can’t possibly answer that question. So, instead, I’ll show you pictures of some of my current favorites that are in heavy rotation in my closet at this time. Enjoy:
4. What movie character most closely represents you in real life? (I'm sorry that's worded kind of funny,but I don't know how to say it more clearly without typing a paragraph... which I've just done. Please ignore everything after that last question mark.) :P
Boy, that’s a toughie…you've got some thought provoking questions here. Can I cheat and use TV Characters too? Well, I'm going to anyway. The first one that popped into my mind was Carrie Bradshaw, from Sex and the City, but that's because I just answered the shoe questions above. haha...
In all seriousness though...this really is a tough one because there are not any movies out there that I can think of with a female who is single and comfortable with it. Most movies about a single woman focus on her desperate need to find a man. This makes it hard for me to identify with most of them, because although I love men, I'm not desperate to have one in my life.
That said, I remember really identifying with Diane Lane's character "Frances" in "Under the Tuscan Sun". I mean, I didn't get to move to a fantastic Villa in Tuscany, but a lot of the same feelings and personality traits of hers mirrored mine. She is one of the few female characters I can think of who was comfortable in her own skin. She kind of had to learn to get there, and it didn't come without all kinds of drama, but when she finally got there, she was a strong woman, who was making choices for herself, without much concern for what the rest of the world thought about her. She didn't fit any particular "mold" that society wants so badly to put us into. That's me. I live my life by my rules, and most of the time my rules are about as far from society's expectations as you can get.
Another one is Julia Robert's character in Mona Lisa Smile. Here was another woman who was just doing her own thing, and not letting societal pressures dictate how she should live her life. I also felt like her role of teaching these young girls that they COULD be independent, and do their own thing, is on a much lesser scale, how I am with my friends. I'm always the one trying to get them to realize that they are valuable members of society all on their own. Apart from the men in their lives.
This is going to make me sound all feminist and crap, so let me throw in a few characters with a more lighthearted representation of me. When I asked a friend how I should answer this question, she told me to say either Romy or Michelle from Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion, because they were fun and stylish and didn't give a crap what anyone thought of them. I love this, I'll go with that. And she added that I'm a little bit Elle Woods from Legally Blonde too...in that I'm more fun than serious, more likely to hang out at some comedy show than a library, but with a sense of style, and even though on the surface I appear fun and carefree (although never ditzy such as Elle), I'm really intelligent and a hard worker, and the results of my work show it.
So, how's that for a long winded answer?
5. And now we've reached gossip time. Please tell us about the worst date you've ever been on.
OOH well...this one also required some serious thought. I have a couple of these as well...the first one I can think of took place when I was still in high school. My friend and I had met some boys from a neighboring city, which was (and still is) known for its crime rate and basic ghettoishness. We thought we were so cool not telling our parents where we were going and hanging out with said boys at their house. Until we went to leave and my car had been broken into, and money had been stolen out of our wallets. Leaving our purses in the car is only one of the many stupid decisions we made that night. I later found out that it had been my own date's brother who had stolen the money, so he could go buy drugs. Yep, that was our last date.
A few years later, during my college years, I attempted to go on a date with a guy I knew from the club circuit. Him and I had known each other for a while, and every time we'd run into each other at the club, we'd hang out all night, but we'd never been on an actual "date". We finally decided to take the plunge, and I bought tickets to catch "The Blue Man Group". (He was to reimburse me for the tickets...think you see where this is heading already? Oh no, it's worse). The plan was that we would meet in a local McD's parking lot, and he would then drive us into the city, where we would have dinner and then watch the show. All was well until he was already 45 minutes late for our meeting time, then arrives and decides he MUST go into McD's to buy a soda, comes back out and realizes he has locked his keys in his car...with the engine running. Cut to two hours later, when a tow truck finally shows up to unlock the car, and we've basically hung out at McD's all night, and I don't even think he bought me dinner...even at McD's. We pretty much called it a night after that, and I never did get my money for those tickets. And no, we never went out again.
Then there was the date I was set up on by a friend. Yes, you can groan now...This was yet another one of those situations where a friend assumes that because you are single, and someone she knows is single, then you two will automatically be a perfect match. For some reason I have yet to figure out, I agreed to exchanging phone numbers with this guy, and for even more inexplicable reasons, after a short telephone conversation, I agreed to have dinner with this guy. Now, I had told my friend prior to the number exchange that I was not looking for an "instant relationship", so for her to please make sure that he was aware of this. She told me this had been claryfied, and he was of the same mindset as I. Great! During our brief telephone conversation, we'd discussed our personal lives, and I'd informed him that I was newly single, and enjoying a bit of that freedom and wasn't looking to get serious with someone right away. Once again, he agreed. Okay, good...right? Yeah.
So, I arrive at the restaurant where we are having dinner and meet him out front. He has put our name in, and we are waiting for a table. He informs me that he has downloaded Alicia Key's "Fallin' to be my ringtone, because he knows I like that song. SERIOUSLY?? Because we have now known each other face to face for a total of 5 minutes. Hmm...okay. Still waiting for our table we begin talking about our individual plans for the upcoming weekend (we are having dinner on a Wednesday night). As I rattle off my extensive plans for the weekend (night out with the girls on Friday, day with my "little sister" on Saturday, blah blah), he stops me and says "Well, what about me? When are you going to make time for me?" Did you hear that? That was my brain doing the tires screeching, putting on the breaks, WHOA NELLY sound... Then our table was called. I spent the remainder of the dinner trying to get my hand back from him so I could use my utensils to eat, and trying to explain to him that marriage was just not part of my plans for that summer. No, I never did go out with him again. My friend did tell me later that he was "heartbroken", and apologized profusely for setting me up with a stalker type, because although I stopped taking his incessant calls, she had to work with him and deal with him asking her repeatedly what was going on in my life. She was actually relieved when she was laid off about a month later.
The most recent bad date I went out on was at least 3 1/2 years ago. This was also my last attempt at online dating, and probably the reason I've been hesitant to try it or any other kind of dating pretty much since then. Here was a guy I'd been chatting with online, and then on the phone with for a while. We were getting along well enough, so decided to have dinner. Now, before I get to dinner, I need to back up and tell you that most of our telephone conversations would either start with him telling me "I just got in from the gym" or end with "I have to get going, I'm heading to the gym". This is very important for you to know.
Also, he had mentioned at one point his recent conversion to Judaism. I didn't particularly have an issue with this, although, in hindsight, I probably should have put more weight on it, because someone who converts to any particular religion in adulthood, is obviously going to have some strong beliefs in that area, and I'm more of a "spiritual" as opposed to "organized religion" type of person.
Anyway, all this background is important because it sets up the punchline. Which is that upon meeting this man, and watching him have to slide sideways into the booth because his ass was too large to fit otherwise, and listening to him try to convert me to Judaism all night, I realized two things. 1. he'd never honestly seen the inside of any gym in America and 2. online dating was just not for me.
And there you have it, me in a nutshell...albeit more of a coconut sized shell...
1. Leave me a comment saying “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
As mentioned in yesterday's post, The Boss gave me three tickets to a Patriot's pre-season game for last night. This is actually one of the perks of working at The Firm, because my boss is a major sports guy and has season tickets to just about any of the local pro-teams. I have now seen the Pats play twice, the Red Sox twice, the Celtics and the Bruins each once, all on his dime. And these aren't just ANY seats...usually I am sitting in the best possible seats in the house. Last night's seats, for example, were on the 50 yard line, 8th row. Yep, that good! Here's our view:
My friend 
And then there is the wasabi. Or rather, my wasabi cashews or peanuts. I mix these with regular peanuts, and Wa-LA, you've got quite the treat!
