The Bright Side

I’m joining MamaKat this week in her “writing prompts” post, and answering this question:

Write about how you stay positive about something that sometimes brings you down.

I’ll tell you right off the bat that it is my mission in life to be a positive person. I can’t stand debbie downers with all their “woe is me” negativity. I have ZERO patience for that kind of attitude.

Life is, without question, difficult. We are faced daily with bad news and scary trials and tribulations. So, yes, I understand how easy it is to get caught up in the negative and run with it. But, why would you choose to do so? How can that possibly be the way you choose to live your life? How can that be helpful?

I don’t get it, and I won’t do it.

Because the truth is that life is also beautiful. Full of amazing experiences, and incredible people and the most awe inspiring blessings. You just have to choose to notice them, appreciate them, and revel in them.

So, I? I choose to be positive.

But, even someone like me can have days when it just seems like it’s not worth it to bother faking that smile. There are days when yes, I too succumb to the darkness.

Fortunately for me, it never lasts for too long, because wallowing in self-pity is just exhausting, and I don’t have enough energy to be negative all the time.

And before you start thinking that this must all be because I have it easy, my life MUST be so much better than everyone else’s if I can keep this outlook on life, let me set you straight…

I mean, my life is pretty awesome (laughing here), but it is far from easy and stress free, and happy all the time. It is awesome because I have chosen to make it so, to see it that way.

For example, I am single. I am 35 years old, single, living on my own, with no kids and no prospects for a husband. In fact, I have BARELY dated in the last 10 years. BARELY.

So, take that, and realize it could go one of two ways.

I could chose the path that so many women, and quite a few of my close friends, have chosen, and be miserable. I could cry about being lonely, I could pine the hours away waiting for my Prince Charming to come along, I could make it my life’s mission to find my husband and focus ALL MY ENERGY on going through Mr. Wrong after Mr. OH SO WRONG before finally, hopefully, landing Mr. Right. And then be even more miserable when it turns out he was Mr. OH NO You Didn’t after all.

I could stay home on Friday nights, cuddling with my two cats, feeling sorry for myself about the sad state of affairs I am in.

I could feel like life is passing me by, and someone forgot to stop and pick me up along the way.

I could do that.

Or I could choose the other path. I could LIVE. I could take advantage of my lack of “partner” in life, and enjoy making all my own plans. I could enjoy having a variety of friends from all walks of life, living in all different parts of the world, and revel in my ability to hop on a plane and jet off to visit them at a moment’s notice without having to coordinate schedules with someone else.

I could spend the money I’m not spending on Valentine’s, Birthday, Christmas gifts and buy myself a nice collection of shoes, all the techy toys a tech geek girl like me could dream of, and memories to last a lifetime from all the trips I’ve taken in the last 10 years.

I could enjoy playing with my friends’ kids, and then send them home to mommy and daddy after I’ve spiked them up on sugar and loud toys. Being the coolest “auntie” of all.

I could stay home on Friday nights, cuddling with my two cats, enjoying the peace and quiet, and the liberty to wear my rattiest pjs, hair all disheveled, in the comfort of my own home, which I purchased with my own money, all by my strong independent self.

I love my life. Don’t get me wrong, I too suffer from moments of loneliness and yes, I really do want to meet Mr. Right and have that lasting, loving, wonderful relationship full of conflict and passion and reality that I do honestly believe I’m made for.

But in the meantime, I choose the “I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar” path…

Except, you know, when my phone rings and it just happens to be my most recent crush…then I turn into a giggly teenage girl.

What? We can’t all be perfect. ;-)

Writer’s Note: If you are new to my blog, please note that this post was written in my usual sarcastic and silly tone of voice. If you take me too seriously, well…just don’t.

Green Eyed Monster

I’m jealous.

There, I said it.

Jealousy: feeling bitter and unhappy because of another's advantages, possessions, or luck

Or perhaps, that’s not really the right word.

Is envious better?

Envy: the resentful or unhappy feeling of wanting somebody else's success, good fortune, qualities, or possessions

I don’t know…I don’t much like that one either…

They seem so negative, I mean BITTER? UNHAPPY? RESENTFUL? I don’t really feel that way. That makes it sound as though I’m hateful and angry at others for what they have…this isn’t true.

Perhaps I should explain myself here.

This isn’t really about others, it’s about me. It has everything to do with my lack of confidence.

See, it all started with a twitpic. Or actually, a series of them.

If you are unfamiliar with what a twitpic is, it is exactly what it sounds like, it is when someone posts a picture on Twitter.

This particular series of twitpics were self portraits one of my Twitter buddies posted of themselves. Making silly expressions for the camera. They were adorable pictures, which made me smile. She is adorable, and the pictures were sweet, and fun, and they did not in any way bring up any feelings of bitterness or resentment or unhappiness in me.

But they made me think.

Because I wish I could do that. I wish I felt comfortable enough with myself to post self-portraits of myself. But I do not.

Sure, every now and again I’ll post a picture of me. And my profile pictures are also of myself.

But those are chosen carefully, examined before hand and given the “meh” stamp of approval. As in “meh, I guess I look okay enough to let the public see this one”.

But candids? Goofy self-portraits? Close-ups? Pictures taken by a webcam? NEVER THOSE.

In fact, I have never, not once, used the webcam on my laptop.

I’m far too self-conscious to do that.

And that’s where the jealousy or envy comes in. But it is not an ugly thing, it is simply that I wish to grow to a point where I can get past these insecurities.

So I’d like to call it a green-eyed baby monster, eager to grow and learn, not an evil, hiding under your bed, wanting to destroy kind of monster…

Can we go with that?

Why I'm Not Doing NaNoWriMo This Year

I have participated in National Novel Writing Month every year for the last 3 years. Not only have I participated, but I’ve finished, writing 50,000 plus words in the month of November. It is no small feat, and one I am extremely proud of having accomplished. It is fun, it is stressful, it is challenging, it is CRAZY, but it is pretty great.

Today marks the beginning of yet another NaNoWriMo, and this year, after much thought and hard self-evaluation, I have opted not to participate.

I wish I could. I will miss being a part of this crazy community this year, trying to keep up with the daily word count requirements, struggling with writer’s block, commiserating and celebrating with my fellow writers…

But I simply cannot.

My top ten reasons why I’m not joining you crazy NaNoers this year:

1. The novel I started at last year’s NaNoWriMo? The one I KNOW is fabulous and sure to get me published? Yeah, I haven’t touched it since November 30, 2009.

2. The novel I started the year before that? The one I KNOW is fabulous and sure to get me published? Yeah, I haven’t touched that one either.

3. Until those two novels are complete, I REFUSE to start a new one. Nope, NOT going to do it.

4. I realize I could use NaNoWriMo and bend the rules a little, and focus on finishing one of those 2 novels instead of starting a new one, but then it wouldn’t really be “NaNoWriMo” the way it’s meant to be, would it?

5. I need a netbook, because my new laptop is really a HUGE desktop replacement and I’m not taking that with me ANYWHERE outside my house, and writing in my house never happens…and I don’t have a net book.

6. I have made a commitment to work on a youth retreat on Thanksgiving weekend, and the preparation for this retreat is ALL ENCOMPASSING this month, and requires my undivided attention.

7. As part of this youth retreat, I have committed to doing a witness talk, which needs to be written this week, taking priority over NaNoWriMo.

8. I work 40 hours a week, and unlike previous years, I’m actually busy at work now, lessening my available writing time during the day.

9. My social calendar, with church events, friend events, family events, and work events is insanely busy this month, and for once, I’m choosing my social life over holing up and writing.

10. I might actually be dating again…

And a bonus and perhaps the biggest reason:

11. I’m just not inspired this year.

So, although I won’t be officially signing up, unofficially, I am hoping to dedicate a little more time to writing each day. Maybe not a novel, maybe not even work on my two Works In Progress, but on my witness talk, on my blog posts, journaling, whatever it may be…that’s my commitment this month…to WRITE a little each day.

That’s the best I’ve got at this moment…

Have fun NaNoers!!! I’ll be cheering you on from the sidelines this year.

Popinjay - Silent

I haven't done Popinjay in a few weeks, but I'm back!

This week's prompt is "Silent".

1. Making no sound, quiet, still

2. characterized by absence of speech or sound

3. unspoken, tacit

On Saturday afternoon, I went for a run over by the river in my hometown. I always run with my headphones on and my music cheering me on. Although the fact that I'm listening to music obviously means that I'm not in complete silence, there is something that happens to me, when i'm running outdoors, blocked from the rest of the world by my music that actually represents a sort of "silence" to me.

I get caught up in the music, and after a while, barely even notice it is there, and what happens in turn, is that the world around me becomes silent, still, foreign, and beautiful in it's quietness.

This is the world I ran through Saturday:

It's hard to not be inspired to run just a little further when this is your view, don't you think?

Make sure to stop by Michelle's to "hear" what silence sounds like to others.

Three Signs O'Fall and a Photo

Even though I'm a total slacker blogger now, in my old days, I was quite active over here on this blog. (Go on, look over some of my old posts...see? Busy blogger then).

Anyway, it was in those olden days that I joined a FABULOUS group of ladies who blog. Individually, they are all amazing bloggers in their own right. Collectively, we are "SheWhoBlogs".

This month SheWhoBlogs is having a contest, and I'm entering. You should too!

For this contest we've been asked to share with our readers (that's all 2 of you reading this right now) what we consider to be 3 signs that Fall has arrived, as well as a photo of what Autumn is to us.

This is an easy one for me, because as much as I consider myself a summer girl, whenever Fall arrives, I realize that it really is my favorite season.

So, what are the 3 signs that represent fall to me?

The very first one, and my most favorite one, is the air. It's something that is hard to explain, and if you don't live in an area where Fall is a "real" season, you really have to experience it to understand it. But those of us who live in areas where Fall makes it's presence known, well we know it well. The air changes. The smell, the weight of it, the breeze, the color of the sky, all of it, is suddenly, almost overnight...different.

Suddenly, you step outside and and breathe and...BOOM there it is. Autumn has arrived. It's a beautiful thing.

The second sign of Fall, at least here in New England, are the pumpkins. PUMPKINS EVERYWHERE! Pumpkin farms spring up in neighbors back yards. There are pumpkin pies, pumpkin spiced coffees and lattes, pumpkin's decorating front stoops, pumpkins spilling out of every store front...

I don't actually like pumpkin. Not the pies, not the fruit (vegetable?) itself...but I just love the sight of them, as it signals that Autumn has arrived.

The third sign of spring, once again, especially here in New England, is by far my most favorite...it is, of course, the changing of the leaves. It starts early enough, sometimes as early as the beginning of September, and on a good year (as this year has been), it lasts well into November.

Slowly, here and there, a tree will have a yellow leaf, or a red, orange, almost purple one...

Then, within weeks, a few more trees take on this rainbow of colors.

And then, as if overnight

, driving down a highway on the way to New Hampshire, it's as if you were caught in a whirlwind of reds, oranges, yellows...breathtaking really.

I'll never get enough of it, and it almost makes the long, cold, dreary winters worth it.

Okay, that's a lie...but, you know, at least we have the leaves.