Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Accountability April - And It's Over...

As accountability April comes to a close, I face facts.

The fact is I love to write, I’m always going to be a writer, throughout each and every single day, there are several events, moments, people and places that inspire me and I rush to write it all down. I will always write.

The fact is, however, that try as I might, this is probably just not the right time in my life to attempt to focus my energies on becoming a “published” writer. I work a full time job, I have an active social life, I am deeply involved with the youth of my parish and with community activity. I run my own household and am in the midst of a major purge/decluttering project. I am turning into a bit of a fitness nut, dedicating more time than I ever have before to both exercise and eating healthy. I am scatterbrained, unfocused, and have about a billion other interests which distract and intrigue me on a daily basis.

The fact is my NaNo Novel, which was the driving force behind Accountability April, sits nestled quite comfortably among other unfinished writing projects on my hard drive, with only a few thousand extra words from where it began the month. Comfortably enough that I don’t feel the desire to rouse it just yet. I visit now and again, write a few more words, but then leave it be. Resting, gaining strength for when it truly is it’s time to shine. It is not now.

The fact is I am at peace with these facts. Because although some might see it as not working hard enough toward my dreams, I see it as something else entirely. Yes, being a published author is, and always has been, a dream. And a dream that I know with enough time, attention, and dedication, is quite possible for me. But living this life I live? That is another dream all together. I said it before, just the other day, I live a charmed life, I am blessed, and I take NOTHING for granted. Therefore, the little moments, the little distractions, they are not hindering my dream, they are just a larger part of it.

The fact is that when it comes to my goals, my aspirations, I’m a bit ADD. I have always been this way, I want so many things. To do so much, to be so many different people, that I realize I will never be able to accomplish all things. It is just not possible for one person to do all I have dreams of doing. Not while working a full time job and dedicating my time to the youth and trying to have social life and…but wait…those too are things I NEED to do to feel fulfilled. See my dilemma?

The fact is, in all honesty, I’ve realized that for me, it is not ever going to be about the “end result”, it is always going to be about the journey. And this journey I’m on? Oh what a ride!

So, as Accountability April comes to a close, and I realize the NaNo Novel will sit, unfinished for now. And my home office remains a bit of a disaster area as I continue on my decluttering project, and I’m not quite THERE with any of the projects I set out to accomplish this month, I face facts.

The fact is I did not fail this month. I took accountability for my actions, and I did what I could, and in the process, I discovered other goals, other roads I needed to take on my journey. And in doing so, I live my life as only I can. All over the place, all the time, and loving every minute of it.

How did you do this month?


jill said...

will post now..

Lisa said...

I just posted on the end of Accountability April as well:

My month was like yours: some progress, but no triumphant finish line. Still, like you, I'm pleased with my progress. Good job, Karina!