Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Police officers, eyelashes and pretzels, oh my...

I need to confess something...the picture I posted on Friday, about my seats for the ball game wasn't exactly 100% accurate. In fact, it was about as far from the truth as our actual seats ended up being from home plate. But I didn't exactly lie on purpose. See, those seats WERE the seats my boss gave me the LAST time I went to a Red Sox game on his tickets. I took my mom with me both times, and that time, we couldn't believe our incredible seats. We were sitting right next to the dug out, and when I screamed Johnny Damon's name (that traitorous idiot), he actually looked into the stands and waved...seriously!

But I knew before going into the game this past Friday, that my seats were not going to be that good this time around. I was okay with this, because after all, they were free tickets. What I didn't know, however, was that I was holding two tickets to what could possibly be the WORST possible seats in the house. Seriously! From where we were, we had to lean forward in our seats to even see the baseball diamond. We had a perfect view of the pitchers warming up in the bull pen though! Ah well...that's what I get for bragging and teasing I guess! ;-)

Yep, that was our view...not bad huh? That said, mom and I had a wonderful time at the game.

But back to the title of this post, what the heck do police officers, eyelashes and pretzels have to do with a Red Sox game?

Well, not much, except all three were "mishaps" if you will, which happened that evening.

We'll start with my being pulled over for speeding on the way home from work, because I know you're dying to know all about the police involvement in my evening. I left work early on Friday so that I would have time to change and pick my mother up, and head to the game early enough to enjoy the crowds at Yawkee Way. I take the same back road home every night, and this road is known for speed traps, and yet, EVERYONE speeds on that road. And most people I know have gotten pulled over at least once for speeding there. I have been working at this job for 4 years now, and this was my first time getting nabbed. Here I was, minding my own business, driving probably around 45 in a 30-35 area (the posted speed changes a few times on that road), on my cell phone with my friend (yeah, yeah, I know, shame on me...and usually I use a headset, but was NOT using one on Friday), following the car in front of me at a reasonable distance, but keeping up with their speed...and suddenly I see the cop car hanging out of a little side street. By the time I saw him, there was no slowing down, I knew I was done for. There were no cars behind me, so the guy in front of me got lucky, me...not so much. I think I actually made eye contact with the cop as I drove by him, pretty much as in "yep, I know you've got me" and him as "you know you're getting pulled over, right?" Yeah...

So, I laugh and tell my friend "gotta go, I'm about to get pulled over". Sure enough, he pulls out, lights come on, I pull over. Sh!t.

He walks over to my car, and I hand him my license and registration.

"Good Afternoon, how are you today?" He says quite pleasantly for a man that's just rudely interrupted my drive home.

"Good thanks, how are you?" I say cheerily, hoping my sparkling personality will buy me out of this ticket I KNOW I deserve.

"You know why I pulled you over?" as if I'm going to tell you what I was doing wrong!

"Yes sir, and I apologize" but I'm also not going to deny it and piss you off.

"You just leaving work?" YES, now please ask me where I work!!

"Yep, right up the road"

"Where do you work" YES!!!! SCORE!!! see...my boss happens to be a big shot in the Town where I work, the town where I was pulled over. EVERYONE knows him, and he does a lot of good work for the town, and for the police, etc., therefore, they all like him. So I tell him.

"Oh, so you have a good lawyer then" he jokes

"Yep, and a good boss too", yep, I'm a kiss ass when the time calls for it. There's no shame in my game!

"Okay, just sit tight for a while". And he goes back to his cruiser to do whatever it is they do, run my plate, check my record, whatever. I'm okay with this because I have a pretty clean driving record, I've never gotten so much as a parking...wait, that's not true, I got ONE parking ticket a few weeks ago...but that's it, no other tickets, and definitely no moving violations. So, I'm sitting there hoping this guy won't be the one to soil my record. And here he comes, with just my license and registration in his hand...no other paperwork...this is good right?

"Okay, you won't need your lawyer this time, but slow down okay?"

"Absolutely, thank you very much" YES!!!

I didn't even get a warning! So, of course I made sure to drive the speed limit all the way to the town border, until I was out of his eyesight, and his jurisdiction. Whew...that was a close one!
And it was right about at the border that my eyelash turned against me. You ever have one of those eyelashes that are not just IN your eye, but also still attached to your eyelid? So that it requires some serious extrication to be able to see again? Yeah, I had one of those. So, for the second time on my drive home that night I had to pull over. It took me about 5 minutes to finally get my vision back and be on my way.
But mom and I did eventually make it to the game, and we had a fun time, despite the lousy seats and boring game (it wasn't one of the best I've seen, let's just leave it at that). We thoroughly enjoyed making fun of the girls in mini-skirts and high heels. I mean, seriously, who wear GOLD stilettos to a baseball game? And we enjoyed our beer and pretz...oh, right, the pretzel...see, despite our decision to be good and buy deli sandwiches instead of greasy pizza or sausage, mom had a craving for a pretzel. So, after much deliberation, she forked over $4 for a pretzel and we headed to our seats. Just as we were taking our seats, and getting ready to eat I promptly deposited said pretzel on the ground, beneath the seat in front of me. Obviously, you do not eat a pretzel off the ground at a sports complex...eww...so, there was mom, staring at me open mouthed...and there was pretzel, looking innocent and delicious, and out of reach...and there was me, laughing hysterical, but apologizing profusely. Yeah, I owe mom a pretzel, and she won't let me forget it.
Ah well, it was a good night, we had fun. OH, and for the record, I'm totally HOT again. I must be giving off new vibes now that I'm losing weight and feeling good about myself, because I was totally flirted with and checked out a few times that night. I even merited a once-over followed by a "dang!" Yep, I'm hot! (Ask mom, cuz I had to ask her to verify that it was actually directed at me because I'm not really used to getting that reaction anymore).


Beckie said...

Way to weasel yourself out of a ticket!!! Good Job! I say this because it never works for me.

MommaBoo said...

You lucky dawg!

I don't speed. The one time I did, I got a ticket.

I had a good excuse, too! (I had to get home for a very important call!)

Anyway, $80 down the tube....*sigh*

I guess I need some pointers on "weasling my way out"!

Happy Tuesday!

Literary Feline said...

Lucky! I'm glad you were able to get out of that ticket. Maybe he thought you were "dang!" worthy too! :-) (not to mention your clean record and the fact that you work for a well respected community member.)