Tuesday, July 24, 2007

SERIOUSLY? - Lets talk about men...

Um...actually...we're going to be calling them BOYS until they prove themselves otherwise.

For those who don't know yet (and really, how could you not, I shout it from the rooftops most days), I'm single and damn comfortable and happy with my "singledom". However, as I've stated in here recently, after being single for the better part of four years (hmmm, quite possibly longer), I've decided to enter the dating world once again. I've figured what the heck, let's give this love thing a chance one more time. Besides, my life isn't nearly busy and crazy enough, I need to add some more drama and turbulance to it, so why not add men back into it...um, I mean boys...

So, it is with this mind set, and my newly slimmed down (and still slimming) and toned up (and still toning) body, and an attitude ready for adventure that I've begun smiling at complete strangers. And it is also with this new perspective that I decided to make a semi-move on someome that had been lingering in the background for several months now.

This is the particular boy I want to talk to you all about today. We'll call him LawBoy. I have known LawBoy for almost 8 years now, he was a lawyer at a lawfirm where I was a paralegal in one of my past jobs, before coming to this job. When I started that job I had a boyfriend, and I can't remember if LawBoy had a girlfriend or not, but we became friends. He's a good guy, funny, smart and was a good person to bounce stuff (such as "Do you think this jerk is cheating on me?") off of. Because we worked together, there was never any intention on my part of "hooking up", it would have been weird, I sort of worked "for him" on certain cases, and I'm SO not into that whole "dating the boss" thing. He wasn't my boss, but he was my superior of sorts. Anyway, I'm getting off track here. Point is, we never dated, and never really showed an interest in doing so. We were friendly, in and outside of work, we hung out, but never in a romantic way. When I left that job, we stayed in touch, and have kept in touch off and on for the last 4 years. He had a pretty serious girlfriend when I left that job, and to be honest, I've never asked whether or not they've broken up. However, conversations have led me to believe that he is now single again. For the record, he has not asked my relationship status of late either.

So, now you have the background. Let's move to the present situation.

Within the last year or so, he started randomly text messaging me. Random notes, such as "what's up" or "what are you up to tonight?" or "How are things"...just random. At this point, we'd sort of lost touch a bit, weren't emailing at all, and hadn't had a telephone conversation in at least a full year. I thought the messages to be random, but hey, we've always been cool, so I didn't think much of it. I would text back with the same sort of messages. The random part of it would be that I'd get a message on a Saturday night, for example, that would say "What's up?" and I'd reply "not much, heading out, you?" and he'd reply "yeah, heading out too"...and then I'd not hear from him for another month or two. Random, right?

As I was not in the mindset to deal with men...uh, boys...I never really gave it much thought. Then, a few weeks ago, I sent him a random text message. Truth be told, I was bored silly one afternoon, and sent random text messages to just about everyone I know...he just happened to be one of them. I'm pretty sure my message was something along the lines of "What's up, stranger?". It was his reply which started off the whole next part of this story: "Not much, I would like to see you".

Now, I know I've been out of the dating scene for a while, and I also know that we are just friends, and friends can want to see each other...but hey, I sort of giggled a bit when I read that. Hmm...could there be a spark there, a bit of an interest? Mind you my friends had been telling me for months (every time I'd get a text message from him) that he was into me, so the fuel for my suspicion was there. Well, I decided to roll with it. Some messages back and forth and I suggested we do drinks some night. He agreed that it sounded fun...and then proceeded to fall off the face of the earth for another week or so.

A few more text messages later, and I decided that texting is a pain in the arse, and asked for his new e-mail address...figuring conversation and plans would go much smoother that way.

So, I send an e-mail, he reads it (I love read receipts) and proceeds to take 3 days to respond. And when he does respond, it is with a short few words, which really, he could have just texted me. By now, I'm getting annoyed, and being fully reminded why I don't date. But, I'm resillient, and still, this is a friend who I wouldn't mind catching up with, so I try ONE MORE TIME, and send another e-mail, this one more detailed, asking what he's been up to, how life is, how's work, etc. and tell him a bit about my summer, what's going on, etc. He reads it.

2 weeks later, no response yet. And I decide that whatever it was that made me giggle, is SO gone. I hate mind games.

And then I get a text message from him on Sunday "How're you doing? You out and about?"


For the record, I don't even really care anyway, I've lost interest...I'm too old and too happy being single to have to be the one doing the chasing. And no, I haven't replied to his text yet, I'm not really sure what the hell I'm supposed to say now. I'm really just curious on how it is that others will interpret this situation...call it a study in human behavior...which is what I'm pretty sure my venture into dating this go-round is going to completely turn into.

So...discuss...what's his deal ladies? (and gents, your input is certainly welcome as well)


MommaBoo said...

You go girl! Who needs a man to feel self-justified?

And you're right....most of them are little boys that need a good spanking.....or a good muzzle!


Julia Phillips Smith said...

His signals are tres mixed. But so were my husband's when we were friends for two years and then moved into dating. So it's very hard to judge.

By the way, I just posted my Moaning Meme.

Michelle | Bleeding Espresso said...

Hmm. He sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. Nothing wrong with that, but it's not cool to sort of make plans and flake out.

Honestly? Sounds like he was interested and ready to meet up with you and then other things came up, perhaps a new girl to be infatuated with; I've had this happen to me a few times and that's always what happened--which I found out much later when they were interested again but the ship (me) had sailed. Suckers!

If someone's really interested and worth your time, they'll show you. I've never read "He's Just Not That Into You," but I think I get the gist, and wish I would've paid more attention to that thinking when I was single.

Whatever. Good on you for being happily single--I was too for a long time (most of my 28 years before I met my beau). It'll happen when the time is right.

The Rock Chick said...

I think maybe since you were friends before, he can't be that bad of a guy so he might not be sure what your intentions are either. Maybe he's thinking he will scare you off!

I don't think I'd have the energy to do that dating stuff ever again!


Karina said...

Jennie, a muzzle...hmmm.... ;-)

Julia, yeah, mixed signals galore...but the problem is I just don't have the patience to decipher signals at this point in my life...so he loses! ;-)

Sognatrice, I totally agree with you that he's being distracted by something...but he keeps coming back through his text messages, so who knows what that is. Still, I felt like playing ball for a bit, and tried to do some of the planning, now after him flaking, it's back on him to make a move if he decides to, I did my bit!

As far as that book, I never read it either, but I think the title says it all, and because of my comfort level with being on my own, I'm more than willing for a guy who IS that into me to sweep me off my feet...or help me look for my jean jacket! ;-)

Beckie said...

I agree, I don't think he knows what in the hell he wants from you. I would be confused.

BTW, I found myself reading every word of that post...it was the most interesting thing I have read in a while. I'm not sure what that says about me?! (not that this is about me)

You need to keep us posted on this one.

Rebecca said...

WhooHoo! I'm not much into fashion & makeup, but I do do do like to talk about dating (and men)!!

My opinion: The signals are very mixed because the two of you have always been plutonic. He probably is interested in you and thinks that when the timing is right you'd be an awesome girlfriend. But men also don't really think and analyze like women do. He probably didn't notice the weeks or days passing between texting. Men are usually pretty simple and don't play those sort of games. He doesn't sound like much of a planner, more like when he's asking you what you're doing at that moment, it's like he's hoping you'll say nothing so he can suggest you two get together.

My suggestion: The next time he texts you, suggest the two of you get together that day/night or if that's completely impossible, the next day.

Then again, if you're like me and prefer to have a plan then sit back and wait for him to call you with a plan already. If he never does then he isn't right for you anyway.

Phew, sorry for being so long winded, but I know the pain of over-analyzing something so casual. ;-)

Karina said...

Beckie, well, I'm very glad to know that my post insterested you...I thought I was just babbling pretty incoherently at one point! ;-) And yes, I will keep you all posted!

Frigga, thanks for the input. You may be right on him not even realizing what an annoying brat he's being, men can be pretty clueless at times. I think the real issue here is that I have built a life for myself that I'm pretty comfortable and content with, so it's going to take a man to chase me in order to make me want to change it...of course, he can't possibly just know that, so its not his fault he's not chasing hard enough for my taste, you know? ;-)

But since I tend to always have the responsibility of being the "planner" with just about everything else in my life, on this one thing, "romance, dating, love, whatever", I want to be the planee! ;-)

We'll see what happens!