Tuesday, November 06, 2007

To all the boys I've loved before - The Intro

I've been promising stories of my past romantic escapades for a little while now, and I thought, what better time to share some of these tales than during the month of November, when I've got to come up with a new post everyday? So, as I consider whether or not I will start dating again, after a long break from that world, I can’t help but reflect on past relationships and experiences. Although I haven’t dated in quite a while, and feel completely out of touch with whatever dating is supposed to be nowadays, I have to admit that when I was younger, I dated a lot. I have stories and memories to fill books. At one point in my life not only did I have “it”, but I was overflowing with the confidence of how much of “it” I had. Getting a man’s attention, turning heads, collecting telephone numbers, and even having men profess their undying devotion to me, was something that just came sort of easily to me. Man, I had IT. I don’t know that I ever realized how good I had it, until now, when I most certainly no longer even have an idea of what “IT” is. Austin Powers called it his mojo, but whatever you want to call it, I want “it” back.

Now, before I go any further, I feel I should follow the above statement with a disclaimer or two. First of all, I was never cocky about “it”, I just had fun, never realizing how easy it was for me. Secondly, I flirted, dated, and experienced a lot, but for the record, I did not sleep around a lot. Not that there’s anything wrong with doing that, I just didn’t, and feel I should tell you that. Just so we’re clear. I’m professing my innocence here. I was a good girl. No, really, I was. So much so that sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t have been a little wilder while I could have been. Ah well, hindsight and all that.

Anyway, as I traipse down memory lane, I know there are stories I really should tell you all about, because they’re too good to keep to myself. Those of you who enjoyed the “text-flirting with Lawboy” fiasco…well, then you’ll love some of my other stories. And really, why do I blog if not to amuse you?

But really, this is just something that for some reason, I feel I need to document. My loves, my losses. I sort of wish I’d been blogging all along, I’d love to be able to look back and see how I really felt during these times. I have some journal entries, and I have poetry, which awakens some of those feelings, but mostly, I have memories. I feel I’ve had some great love affairs. The kind they write about and turn into movies. Obviously, as I’m single, they weren’t movies with necessarily happy endings, but neither was the greatest love story of all time…Romeo and Juliet didn’t ride off into the sunset did they? I’m not claiming to have “the greatest love story of all time” here, but I’ve had some doozies.

Sometimes, when I think of the relationships I’ve had, and discuss with friends the ones they have, or have not had, I wonder if I’ve filled my quota? Have I met all of my great loves already? They say everyone has a soulmate, but I honestly believe I’ve already met mine, and it didn’t work out, so is that it for me? Did I love too much too soon, and use up all the resources set out for me? Or is there more? Most women I know have only had one great love. Did I get more than my share, and am I therefore no longer allowed any more? I’d like to think not. I’d like to think that there is one more, to top all others, out there for me. The one that will make me question all the rest. On that, only time will tell. But of my past loves? I have only fond memories, learned lessons, and bittersweet smiles reserved for them.

And I have blogging. So stay tuned, I’ll be sharing some of those stories in the coming weeks.
In the meantime, I leave you with the lyrics below. Replace the genders where appropriate, and the song couldn’t be more fitting.

To All the Girls I've Loved Before
by Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson

To all the girls I've loved before
Who traveled in and out my door
I'm glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the girls I've loved before

To all the girls I once caressed
And may I say I've held the best
For helping me to grow
I owe a lot I know
To all the girls I've loved before

The winds of change are always blowing
And every time I try to stay
The winds of change continue blowing
And they just carry me away

To all the girls who shared my life
Who now are someone else's wives
I'm glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the girls I've loved before

To all the girls who cared for me
Who filled my nights with ecstasy
They live within my heart
I'll always be a part
Of all the girls I've loved before


Junebug said...

Ok, I will patiently wait. My next inspiration that I am going to write about is my dog, Spunky. And what I found so amusing this morning (as I was chuckling to myself) is I am going to use the old "to be continued" method of someone we read every day. I cracked myself up just thinking about how my readers will hang on my every word about Spunky's adventures, begging me for more-more-more! Ha ha, I'm so funny. (to myself)

Jill said...

I can't say I ever had or will ever have "it" - but i have the love of my life, so i'm content. i was a good girl too, i'm proud of that, but currently i'm on the cusp of maybe someday becoming a mother (before time runs out) and I wonder - did I not LIVE enough to tell them dont' do that -since i never did?

as far as sleeping around goes, i mean you know what you have and havent done - i think as long as you did it safely and for love (no matter what that meant at the time) then why even mention it? i mean, its over, that's a part of your past. so try real hard not to let that get to you.

and i dont know. i thought i was really in love with a classmate (we were 12) - he was the only kid nice and that would dance with me at junior high dances. he didnt care what the other kids thought. and he died. in junior high. at age 12. so try really hard not to wonder if there is more love out there. i think there are all kinds of love. the love i had for a schoolmate chum who would dance with me is nothing compared to my hubby. it takes all kinds of love to make this world go round.

Jannis said...

yeah baby! I used to have "IT"! I lost "IT" with the knowledge I obtained. I got my knowledge with my age. Big sigh....

Michelle | Bleeding Espresso said...

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave."

This is from Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat, Pray, Love" and I couldn't agree more.

Can't wait for your tales!

Jill said...

oh and by the way, ANYONE who quotes Willie Nelson is just friggin awesome. thanks.. that song's been floating around in my head now for a while...

qualcosa di bello said...

first i want to thank you for putting that horrid song back in my head...!! ;)

but it really is appropo for your post, so it's ok...

honestly i do not believe you've used your quota or that the game is over for you. but i do believe that when it is right for the real deal, you & he will know it! you've still got "it"...but "it" is wiser now!

Unknown said...

Oh my goodness...This hits home on so many levels. When I had "it" I didn't know I possessed "it". Now that I'm at a different phase in my life, coming into my own, I realized that I have "it" but I don't know how to work "it" or what to do with "it"

I'm sure that similar to many other, I'll get better with age and time, before my "it" runs out!!!